outspoken and loud

2006-03-19T18:04:00.000+08:00

It's official.

I have moved!

Come to think of it, I don't even know how it happened. Oh, that's right, Bernard was promoting the wonders of Wordpress. =.+"

I imported my entries from Blogger over too, but not everything. I chose to only keep the ones that really mean something. The rest... will remain here. :)

Blogspot has served me well, I must admit, but I'm moving on to new and bigger things. A new tagline, a new subject title, and a new direction.

Meaning ~~no more~~ less meaningless posts, and more posts that would be able (I hope) to strike a chord in your heart and help you look at life in a different way.

God is ever-faithful. :)

So move on over, and give me a shoutout once you're there okay? :)

Cheers all!

2006-03-16T05:34:00.000+08:00

So, should I move to Wordpress?

Hahaha I blame you for that. :)

I feel like I had two discipleship sessions tonight: first, my real one with Ally, Liz and Judy, and later another one with Bernard while we were yam char-ing. So I apparently do learn stuff from him after all... :)

But really lor, what I learnt tonight was a lot. I have a lot to do, I really need to step up.

So let me draw closer to God first... I must admit, I've got a lot of catching up to do. Have been a little, well, slacked this week.. cannot continue like that.

2006-03-13T10:38:00.000+08:00

Death happens.

It comes, just when you least expect it, like a shadow in the night. It sweeps silently, robbing people of joy and laughter. It steals away some of the most beautiful, engaging personalities you've ever met. It shows that in the end, there is nothing that can deny everyone the only certainty in life: One will die in the end.

I woke up to the unpleasant and sad news that a beautiful person had passed away today.

For those of you from Kuching, especially if you are from St Faith's, you would know who Aunty Jacqueline was. Though somewhere through life, her growth had stopped, leaving her only the height of a 6-7year old, it didn't stop her personality from being larger than life.

What a beautiful person she was. Children and adults both loved her. Those of us from St Faith's Kindy and Sunday School adored her.

"Oh look, Carolyn, you are so much taller than me now!" she would say, grabbing ahold of my hand. "How are you now? Are you doing good in your studies?"

Small, but what a beautiful and powerful voice she had. She served in the church choir for years. I'd always looked forward to gazing at the choir stands on Sundays, hoping to catch a glimpse of her in the red choir robes, singing praises unto her Creator. How she loved using her voice to glorify God!

Whatever she had that had been given to God by her, she used it to glorify Him. Size and stature did not stop her from trying to do her best for Him.

His lord said to him, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful over a few things; I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord." Matthew 25:21

Now He has called her home. I'll miss aunty Jac so much... the knowledge that when I go back, Kuching would be devoid of such a beautiful person, a person who has blessed us all with her life for many years. I don't think she was older than 50 years.

But, oh, what a gain for Heaven! And after so many years of accomplishing God's purpose for her here on earth, I know for sure that she is going to stand tall as those golden gates swing forth to admit her, and the trumpets herald the arrival of good and faithful servant. I delight in the knowledge that the King himself is going to arise from His throne, stretch out His arms, and welcome her home.

Well done, good and faithful servant.....

I'll miss you, Aunty Jac. But till we meet again.....

2006-03-10T17:01:00.000+08:00

A stroll down memory lane.....

I was initially wondering if I should post this. But an email from James chased away any lingering doubts. This is because in his weekly email to intercessors, James exhorted us to remember the good things God has done in ours lives.

And that, is exactly what I'm going to do.

Though I was raised in a Christian family, I don't think I ever really knew Christ until I was about eleven. And even though I knew God was real, and though I held 'positions' in youth and stuff, my life wasn't exactly glorifying God.

I put on facades in church, or at least, sometimes I did. Then the minute I was around family, the monster in me surfaced.

The number of times I ran away from home - or at least tried to - but never succeeded.

Those afternoons spent walking around Kuching alone, contemplating life, wondering why my life seemed to be so screwed up.

Shouting, screaming, fighting at/with my parents, and just barely drawing the line at serious cursing, which I used behind their back anyway. Everything. Anything. I had my language in full Technicolour glory.

The times I stared at the blade, fantasized about suicide, wondering how people were to react if I were to really go ahead and do it.

But God never gave up on me

I fell countless times, went through endless counselling sessions. My stubborn self prevailed.

But He never gave up on me

And how can I not love God for who He is, after all He's done for me? How can I not?

I am who I am today because of God. He took me, molded me, and rescued me from The Other Side. I have no doubt whatsoever if not for His endless love, and everlasting grace, I would be a really horrible person today.

And He's still molding me.. still changing me. And for that, I love Him even more.

Thank you, Lord, for never, ever giving up on me. Words couldn't express the love I have for You, and all the stars in the sky couldn't express the love You have for me!

2006-03-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

As usual, I have a S.H.O.R.T update. Though I have work to do. Hee...

I'm taking a family portrait with my cousins, grandma and various uncles and aunties on Saturday. I am so excited, because we've never taken a family portrait before! :) And plus this is a gem of an opportunity because Vivian is back! :)

Had an interesting today at band dynamic with the second and third team. Learnt a lot, in both the spiritual sense and technical sense of playing. So happy okay! Plus, I have overcome a little bit of my fear of playing while Kel watches.. hurray! Teehee.

CUZA IS BACK!!!!! I almost forgot, until I went into the sanctuary a little bit after arriving. I heard drums, and immediately I remembered. Then I saw that purple bag of his.. hee... I was sooo happy I rushed over to the drums immediately to give him a hug. It's so good to see him back here! But! He owes me a Rhumba frappe with extra rhumba chips now... ahaha.. :) It's good to see him at the drums again, great to be playing with him again. I've always loved to play with him. We click well. I think. :P

Outreach at Cyberia tomorrow night. Theme: Love. I need to call up people to invite them...

In the LIVE Book this year, there was a section where I was able to do a small test to determine my love languages. And true enough, words of affirmation were my main love language. That means I'm a person that like to encourage through notes, letters etc. And I like to receive encouragement - both verbally and in writing. As opposed to those who like gifts and stuff la.

Anyway, the point is that I am very happy because three very important and influential people in my life did that both yesterday and today! :) It spurs me on to do better. And gives me a euphoric high if but for a few days.

2006-03-08T00:16:00.000+08:00

It was a really busy day for me today.

Went for class this morning, and finished off my skirt pattern for Garment Construction class. Rushed down to KL after that with Maril so that I could buy fabric and she could take pictures.We visited Jln Hang Tuah as well as Masjid Jamek area.

I, for the first time in my life, bought fabric from Euro Moda today! Just fyi, Euro Moda is like THE shop, THE five-star place to buy fabric. You get branded fabric from all over, and the prices range from RM10+ a meter to RM1000+ per meter. So yeah, go figure. :)

But! Euro Moda is on SALE! Till the end of March! And the word S.A.L.E. appeals to any girls' senses. So in I went, and out I came with fabric samples that cost me RM78. For 3 meters worth of cloth. I got chiffon georgette and organza. Immense discounts! I wouldn't have been able to afford them otherwise.

But nevermind about that. I know Merr's probably laughing now, because she got to witness me buy fabric first-hand. I go nuts when I see nice fabric. "Oooh! Look! So pretty! So soft!"

Of course in a more refined and dignified manner, that is. ;)

So now I need Azren to approve it so I can B.U.Y. more before the sale ends...

Had discipleship with girls today. :)

Anyway, will be staying over in my granny's tomorrow. My cousin Vivian's back from London! I haven't seen her since Form5... So home I go, to TLC and Astro... but no Internet la. :)

Assignments. Chilling time is over. Now I gotta shower and start with Visual Merchandising.....

2006-03-07T00:32:00.000+08:00

Quick one.

Went shopping cum research today (ha! Only when you're studying fashion! Lol) and bought a new pair of wedge heels. 70% discount, what girl can resist that, especially when the normal price is something that is totally out of the your realm of reach?

Had a very disturbing and discomforting realisation as well, which snapped me back to reality, and caused me to have to slap myself a couple of times for allowing such a thing to happen.

Carol you silly girl, you.

I shall now proceed to bury myself in work. Need to remain focused. Cannot think about things.

Assignments have never sounded so sweet.

2006-03-06T01:00:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday, Bee Sean!

Just to surprise her, we acted like normal yesterday night after SNL, forcing everyone to go back on the bus. Then after supper, we hung around for awhile more in Aaron's place before heading to Millenium around 12.30am to surprise the girl. (Wanted her to think we'd either forgotten, or had no plans for her. Heh.)

Liaised with her housemates, crept into her house, and surprised her in her room! I enjoyed that tremendously. After that, we did the 'usual', getting her to sit down in the middle of the living room while we encouraged her, telling her things about her that impacted us. Then, I asked her to share about one way God changed her last year, and her hopes for this year. Finally, we prayed for her. :)

Went for dinner with her and her housemates just now. Nine of us in total: Chiam, Liz, Maril, Me, Christy, Adeline and Marisah. It was at her request, because she wanted us to get to know them better. We had chicken and pizza at Shakey's.

Blogger's being mean, and doesn't want to upload the pictures, so head over to my Multiply okay? :)

Class tomorrow. Need to do more research so that Azren doesn't wring my neck off, considering I don't have fabric samples for him. Heh. :D Goodnight, everyone!

Edit: Oh, do drop by Daryl's page to read his account of her birthday surprise at her house and view pictures! All taken with the camera on his handphone. :) And please don't be traumatised by some of the (vain) pictures. Even though i almost died when I saw them.

P/s Oh, if you're reading this, PC.. uhms.. WELCOME! eheks.. hehe.. :P

2006-03-04T02:43:00.000+08:00

Once again, it's an internal battle. Should I post this? But ah well, I shall. If it speaks to you, then I've accomplished my purpose.

Over the course of the two years, beginning of three years I've been here in BigbadKl, various people have come up to me at different times, pointing out things in my life that aren't right. So many, in fact, that I have lost count.

I remember the first time it happened. I was in her car, and she was driving me back. At that point in time, I was quite new to the place - only a couple of months, I think. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she blurted out "Carol, why do you like to please people so much? Who do you really want to please? People or God?"

She continued to point out several things about me that I'd either not noticed, or didn't want to know. Oh, how I reacted.

"You don't know me well enough yet"
"You don't understand me"
"You have no right to say such things about me"
"I am not like that" I said.

When I arrived home, I proceeded to message several people, complaining about the sheer injustice of the situation. How could she accuse me of things like that? I received several replies, of which I took to be people agreeing with me. Hah! You want to think that about me? I'll show you!

Then I sat down to email her, listing out why she was wrong. She replied - I don't know what - but I remember thinking really hard about it.

Fast forward a few months. As I allowed God to work in my life, as I decided to really surrender myself to His Lordship, the truth hit me like a bolt out of the blue. I remember saying something one day, and as if I were a third person, I saw myself. And I realised how exactly accurate she was. Totally. And that coming from someone who'd only knew me for awhile.

I didn't rebel from that day on.

You see right, the people whom we've known for sometime could already be used to the way we are. So much so, they are probably immune to it. But it doesn't mean that we can stay that way. What about people who have just known us for awhile? What kind of impression is that? Yeah, sure, you could have a million and one sob stories to justify your character, but isn't all these a choice?

You have a choice to let go of it all, and change. I've known people who've been through immense tragedies in their life, but they didn't become bitter about it. It's all about choices.

People tell you because they care. Why should they otherwise? That's what we're called to do, especially as brothers and sisters. Point out things that could cause others to stumble. Things in our life that are not right in the eyes of God.

Love the sinner, but not the sin. Christ loves us just as we are, but at the same time, because He loves us, He wants us to change.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come," 2Corinthians 5:17

The new has come! Let go of the old habits and mannerisms, they belong in the past. That painful past which Christ has since taken upon His own shoulders. Bring about a new change in attitude. Why cling on to the things of the past? Why let it hinder you from moving forward? It's not that He hasn't taken them away, the question is, have you really allowed Him to remove the past from you, or are you clinging on to it?

Why cling?

I care, that's why I let the people I care about know about things in their life that I feel isn't right. It's not that I want to go against you. You can be mad at me, but I'd rather you be mad at me than God at me. And the fact that I dare to do these kind of things show the changes in me, because Carol the People-Pleaser would NEVER, EVER have dared to say anything that would piss others off.

It's been two years here. And since, a lot of people, especially those I've known since long ago have remarked on how much I've changed. And once again, all the glory goes to God. I allowed Him to work in my life. Gold has to be put through fire in order for it to be so shiny and sparkling.

Why not you? Why react this way?

But in the same way no one ever gave up on me, in the same way so many people gave me grace, I will wait. I'm sorry you're not happy at me, but I had to do what I did. And I believe, I really believe, that one day you'll come to understand this. I'll never give up on you - you matter that much to me. It hurts me to see our friendship this way now, but love always never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Above all, love never fails. Remember that.

2006-03-03T18:07:00.000+08:00

Just some pictures from the heartdog party held yesterday at Cyberia.

Check out the sunset view near the tennis courts of Cyberia. YES! Tennis courts! And they have a bball and badminton court too...

I tell you, Cyberia is more like a resort.... each block has its own pool...

Taking some hotdogs.....

These vainpots wanted to pose, so we obliged them ;)

Aaron sharing the story about the most perfect heart.

Teaser only... I tell you, you want the good pictures, head to Multiply.. ;)

Anyway, I just came back from ENLI. There was Spiritual Disciplines class, as well as Discipleship 2. I took Discipleship 2, as I've been through Spiritual Disciplines already. Twice. :)

The class was so good. But I need to remember to review my notes, and remember the fact that the class is just the beginning. Now I need to go out and make more, and better disciples! I need to learn to be more fruitful. This is my last year in LUCT man! I have to make it count! I need to leave a lasting impact, a legacy in the college. So God please, please give me the grace.....

There's tracting tomorrow. I so want to sleep in though... even right now, I am debating internally whether or not I should go. This week has bene horrendously tiring. Sigh...

But it's SNL tomorrow! I always feel the happiest on Saturdays! :)

2006-03-03T02:00:00.000+08:00

I'm debating internally whether to ask this question. But oh heck, I'll just ask it anyway. Give me your opinions alright?

Do girls have a natural ability to flirt with guys? Without even realising it?

I'll give you my two cents worth: A resounding yes, YES, YES!!! Though it isn't intentional, I really think girls (especially if they want something... etc) do. I find myself doing that. Especially with guys I just meet.

Hrmmm. Not good, not good. Must learn to watch my own body language. Don't want people to get the wrong ideas. But I must admit that the naughty part of me really enjoys it and the results.

Okay, okay, enough about that. But your two cents worth also, okay? Maybe even three cents! :D I want to know what you think 'flirting' means, when it happens, and how. And the results! How do the guys/girls respond? ;P

The hotdog party was okay. It wasn't really what we expected or hoped for, but I don't doubt God. He works in funny ways. He's done that before in the past, and I know He will do it again.

As for me, it was a great learning experience. The whole coordination thing, learning how to plan things properly, delegating (sort of) tasks, and planning what to share about spiritual life. Really superb.

Hah. And you know why I have to delegate? Because like how wonderful Bernard puts it, his version of 'delegating' is this:

Carol Yong: Everything

Lovely. Simply lovely. :P

But seriously? I hope to have more opportunities to do these kind of things. More responsibilities. Because I know I also need to polish up my sense of responsibility. Plus I like feeling trusted by people to do things.

Anyway, assigns call. Take care, everyone!

2006-03-02T00:38:00.000+08:00

Right, just a quick update. Got loads of assigns to complete. Well, actually just one, but I'm one day late for it already. Blame exhaustion.....

Hotdog Party in Cyberia tomorrow! I am VERY excited. A lot of people seem to be staying there now, so really looking forward to a great harvest from that side. Starts 7.30pm at the Cyberia multipurpose hall (Next to Block A3's swimming pool).

Been downloading stuff from Limewire. Heh. Piracy? ;)

The week hasn't been tha eventful yet. I've mainly been busy with planning the hotdog party, and assignments. But all is still well.

Cannot spend so much time online d, haha.

Right, gotta run. Got bookmarks to finish making for tomorrow's party. As well as that Visual Merchandising assignment.

Happy 19th Birthday, Lyne! May the year ahead be full of blessings showered from above. And may you get into the course of your heart's desire! ;) *hugs*

2006-02-28T02:08:00.000+08:00

Overdue pictures

I've put up some pictures in my Multiply. They include the lovely Cameron Highlands trip, as well as Judy's birthday celebrations at The Curve! Go check out the pictures. :)

Below are some really memorable pictures from ECF 'The Contender' Church Camp 2005. Held at Palm Springs Resort, this was really the best church camp I've ever been to. But the photos below are but some teasers... the majority of the pictures would be up in my Multiply. And yes, I'm staying true to Multiply! No Flickr, thanks but no thanks. :)

That's me, Joanne, and Chiam making it cheesy for the camera.

Sky High Team for The Contender race. It's hardly any surprise they won; check out the members on their teams..heh..

People under the waterfall. They were drenched and loving it. ;)

Steven koko and Yu En, his eldest daughter. So adorable. Steven's our campus minister.

At the apartment on the final night. This was after the revealing of the Angel-Mortal game.

Lizzie and I. She prentended to sulk. Bleks to her. ;)

Kong Nai Chen was really the Man of the Year. Everyone wanted to snap a picture with him, so I decided to jump on the bandwagon too! Right. Heh.

The guys discipleship group, LUCT. But this is only Bern's branch la. The rest of them didn't take pics. Let's see. Yalah, start from the top and make your way down. ;) Bernard, Daryl, Max, Joe, Chun Wen and Daniel.

Girls discipleship group. And that's pretty much our full team, heh. We need to grow la, us girls. Back row: Irene, Ally, Chiam, Carol, Lizzie, Judy. Front row: Faith, Bee Sean, Sewei.

Last day of camp, LUCT Contenders group picture. This was the clearest and not-so-siaw picture I could find. Might upload more onto Multiply.

And finally, the picture I'm the proudest of. That's everyone of us! Yeps, that's about 95% of ECF. Last day of camp. *Points at picture* You see those people there? THAT'S MY FAMILY!!!!!! Those are the people I love with all my heart and can trust with my life!
I think right, that one day when I am free, I'll actually do a cast page of sorts. Where I put up the pictures of those people I always yak about in this site. Hmmm. I think I should. And no, I'm not paying any royalties! *Don't get any ideas, Aaron*

Right. Super tired already. Just came back from a yum cha session - again. I'm conked. Goodnight, everyone! *Hugs modem/router* *Hugs people who helped make this happen* Heh. :D

2006-02-27T18:16:00.000+08:00

I'm online! As in, I have streamyx!!!

So happy okay?

Right, there are some people I need to thank NOW. Specifically 2 people la. :P

They are....*drumroll please*

Bernard!!!!!

Even though you made a million and one noises of complaint, grumbled that I was stealing your precious sleeping time, sang a whole bunch of songs and damaged my eardrums in the process and tortured me with your tortured mandarin pronounciations (which, by the way, is pronounced pro-NUN-ci-a-tion), you still helped me fix this thing up. And even though you very meanly stated that it was obvious that my router hates me, I think you know that you were wrong! And being the lovely, forgiving person that I am, I pardon you. Teehee. Kidding. Really, thank you so much, Bern. :)

Ian titi!!!!!

One of the people I know I can pick up the phone and call whenever I have a tech problem. Thank you, titi, for helping me out with this as well. Though the eventual problem turned out to be so small and silly, you helped! And I appreciate it so much! :D And it was so hilarious when you pointed out the simple fact that I hadn't connected the line to the modem because I was on the phone with you..... *hugs* You're one in a million.

Okay la. Now you will probably see me online 24/7. All the pictures I've promised before will be uploaded now. I wouldn't need to stay in college till insane times just to do research, or very paiseh-ly make my way to Aaron's and sheepishly ask to use their internet... :P

And speaking of which, 2 houses I need to thank.

Aaron's house

Namely Aaron, Max, and Chua. For always letting me use their PCs to log online. For bearing with my onlining. I was doing work and, uh, play. Oh well. Heee. Thank you, Live Avenue @ A-01-12! :D

Roy's house.

Also for letting me use your Internet, bugging you occasionally, hehe...

Ah. So happy. :D

Can do more things now. Blog, research, chat... teehee.

See you all A LOT MORE online! :D

2006-02-27T10:31:00.000+08:00

In college.

Just had my progress for Design checked by Azren. So far, all is looking well, because I've actually done pretty intensive research this time around. By God's grace, I'll be able to keep this up till the end of semester and *crosses fingers* be able to pass the mIFA selection process.. ;)

Went back to my granny's place for the weekend. She was discharged from the hospital on Friday! I am so, so, so happy! God works miracles, you see. But I still will not cease praying till she's completely and totally healed! :)

Went shopping with 2 cousins, Madeline and Kevin yesterday in Bkt Bintang. It's been such a long time since we went out together. Had a great time, but I found myself thinking more about fabrication techniques as I looked at the clothes...

Bought a pair of Scholl shoes! It's the first time I've spent such a bomb on a pair of shoes, but my mum's logic is that the amount I usually spend on slippers and shoes (RM20 - RM30plus), and their durability (6mths, max), is equal to splurging one time on a pair of shoes that will last for a long, long time.

*Shrugs* Hey, I'll take it. It's not everyday your mum comes up to you and approves you spending RM158 on a pair of shoes ok? Whahaha... Plus, they are super comfy, so I'm happy.

Had a great yum cha session with Judy, Sewei, Bern and Nic after that at Jln Puchong. It's fun hanging with them, because I never, ever get bored. Plus, my endorphin levels always shoot up after some time with them. :D

Anyway, need to do more research now. The whole hecticness of college life has started already. And I'm really quite enjoying this.

Keep this up, Carol, keep this up!

2006-02-23T09:37:00.000+08:00

I, am somewhat back.

But I doubt that I'll be blogging that much, with the primary reason being my sore, pathetic lack of an Internet connection. I've contacted the Streamyx people a million times, but they are horrible people...

Classes are almost full-swing as well.We've been briefed on our major project for Fashion Design (mIFA 2006!!), which I'm really excited about. This semester (argh, why does this sound familiar?) I really, really cannot allow myself to slack. The thing is, though, that I start well and usually end quite crappily. Therefore, I really need to learn a heck lot more about discipline to ensure that this time around, I start and end well. :)

Spiritually speaking, I think this whole experience over the past month has really helped me grow, as well as shape me. God's been speaking, and I was reminded yesterday when I read 2 Chronicles that this isn't my battle to fight, but His. My strength is never enough, for I am but a human being fraught with flaws and weaknesses. However, He on the other hand, has promised me abundant strength, but only if I rely on Him, and not on myself.

Some of my cousins and I during Christmas 2005. L-R: Kevin, Carol, Madeline, Elaine, Grace and Mervyn. *hugs*
I also love my family (both earthly and spiritual) more now. My cousins and I have really pulled together during this time. Though I had some tough moments where some of them were concerned, basically we're closer now.

As for my other family, what can I say? I love you guys all so, so much. Steven told me that they prayed for my family during the office devotions, James would occasionally text me asking about the situation, Lizzie has been the amazing person she memang is, Bern has been making me laugh because it's his natural talent, Judy and Sewei tickled me till I almost passed out, brought me jogging and taught me dance steps... and the list never ends.

As for those of you who either texted, commented, or chatboxed me... I appreciate you guys loads too. Thinking about you all, and would give you guys a huge hug if I could see you all now. But I can't so...

Here's a VIRTUAL hug though! :P

A wallpaper I created months ago. Titled "Memories". People inside are the ones I consider the closest to my heart. Also a hint of my Kuching and KL life. Love you guys.
Right. If I feel up to it, I might actually put up a couple of pictures from Cameron. The pictures are lovely! I feel like Photoshopping them to enhance the quality, but I don't have the skills of some people so.. hrmmm..

Gotta run! :) Have a cheery day, all!

2006-02-22T10:23:00.000+08:00

Just thought that I'd put up a couple of extra links in my sidebar.

Look who has started blogging! The one and only Bernard Chia! Let's see, well, Bern is quite a meanie. Heh. ~~Architecture~~ Architorture student. Self-confessed geek. Used to be high-schoolmates with Albert, an equal weirdo. Teehee.

Okay la, I'll start praising him. Bern is small, but his hands are my size and his fingers are longer than mine. Spiritually speaking, he is definitely our resident tai lo. And yes, he takes wonderful pictures. What are you waiting for? Click and navigate to his site! And while you're there, check out his very first post on Cameron Highlands. He's got a superb picture of stars there. I wurve stars... :)

See, Bern? I COMPLIMENTED YOU! Now it's your turn! :P

Next up is Wen Hao. The last time I saw him, Wen Hao was pretend-mad at me because I went out and bought McD's but didn't ask him if he wanted any. AHAHAHA... Therefore, I owe him McD's now (apparently la, that is). IMU student, which means he's more intelligent than probably most other people. Keke... Wen Hao's a sweet guy, anyway. Funny.

I'll chia you McD's someday k? Heh.

This next guy is not linked in the sidebar, but when I feel like it I will, because he deserves it. Shawn Kong Nai Yee! ENLI graduate, great preacher, member of 1am, is currently somewhere in Mongolia on a work attachment, but also ministering to the people there. From Kuching! :) And yes, he is the brother of Nai Chen and Nai Lin...

Finally, we have Daryl. Daryl's an animation student, 5th semester. Ultra-talented. I've linked him before, but I'll link him again! I appreciate Daryl lots! *big hug* Thanks for all the support, bro! :D

Yalah, that's about it. Just a short linking thing. Still don't want to blog blog. Grandma's a lot better though, thank God. And classes have started. Brrr...

Anyway, visit! :) You won't regret it.

2006-02-16T02:15:00.000+08:00

A short break sort-of thing.

The past week has been tough on me. I've had various ups and downs, many emotional roller-coasters, but God has been faithful, and for that, I love Him even more.

Grandma's mental condition is not at its best. She speaks nonsense, makes threats, and rages at us. It breaks my heart to see her in this state.

However, God is faithful. As I was reading Luke just now, the story about Jesus calming the storm and Peter confessing his identity jumped out at me.

... He got up, rebuked the wind and raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. "Where is your faith?" he asked his disciples. Luke 8:24-25.

And when those words jumped out at me, I froze. I didn't know what to answer. So being the intelligent person that I am, I moved on, trying not to think about the question.

Jump to Luke 9:20. Then that small, soft voice spoke again.

"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"

Oh Lord, forgive me for ever doubting you!

I'm taking somewhat of a short break from blogging, per se. The thoughts and emotions running through me at the moment are too private and emotion-filled to be shared with the rest of the world. Right now, they all go into my green book - my current escape when things come bearing down upon me. I've never been that eloquent a person. Writing, I think, is still the best therapy. For me, that is.

Take care, everyone, and do keep me in your prayers.

As for those of you wonderful people who've been cheering me up, I love you guys heaps. Those who message me encouraging things, those who silently handed me tissues even I didn't know they knew I was crying, those who just crack me up with their sheer corniness, people who tickle me till no end... the list goes on.

What would I ever do without you guys? Thanks for being the rainbows and sunbeams in my life.

2006-02-13T15:47:00.000+08:00

Am in The Mall at the moment. The one near Legend Hotel?

Anyway, granny was transferred to GHKL this afternoon. I went with her and mum in the ambulance. Yes, the experience came complete with flashing lights and the eeEeeOooWww EeeEeOoWww sirens.

Granny's doing okay, I suppose, but I gotta admit I understand the beauty of private hospitals. After a week in SJMC, GHKL seems..uh... well, you know what I mean la.

It's been stressful though, the sleepless nights I've had because of night shift, worrying about her health....

I feel lonely.

But then again, deep down inside I am a loner. But heck, even loners need company. Whatmore a part-loner, part-social animal person like me?

I miss, miss, miss the days of joy and laughter. Of being carefree where nothing seemed to matter.

Who wants to volunteer to be the ray of sunshine that breaks through these bleak clouds in my emotions right now? Someone did that yesterday with a couple of funny smses. Whose turn today?

2006-01-31T20:40:00.000+08:00

Yeah, I'm back from Cameron. But more on that later. Serious post ahead.

About two years ago, right after SPM, I was in a serious dilemma. I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn't know where to pursue it. At that point in time, I had my heart set on going to RMIT Melbourne to study fashion. I had everything planned out - where I would stay, how I would juggle the finances, what I would do after completing my advance dip.. etc. Heck, I even had my acceptance letter from RMIT.

But then, God spoke. It happened during the EmBaCY camp in 2003. I was really confused because my parents weren't too enthusiastic about my brilliant plans. They didn't think that I was ready to walk into Big Bad Melbourne all by myself, without any relatives there etc. To make things worse, the Aussie dollar shot up into the stratosphere.

But one night, the last night, if I'm not mistaken, the Holy Spirit really swept powerfully through the room. Most of us were struck down, and I recall lying down there on the floor, crying, asking God what were happening to my plans.

I didn't want to study in KL then.. I mean, hello? KL vs. Melbourne? Of course Melbourne hands down, right? But then I heard that still small voice saying:

Three years in KL, Carol, and that's also all you have left with your grandmother.

I was terrified. Three years? That was all I had left with my much-beloved maternal grandmother? In that moment, my mind was made up. If three years was going to be all my grandmother had left, then I would be as close as possible with her - in KL.

It's my third year, everyone. My final year in college. And I am being reminded that if what I heard wasn't just some figment of my imagination, this is the last year of my granny's life.

Especially during this CNY. She is so, so weak this year! She couldn't even make it to reunion dinner, nor for the Cameron trip, she eats just a few tablespoonsful of porridge... just so weak! And when I saw her just now, I was so terrified.

Lord, you said three years! This is just the beginning of the three years! Are you pulling her away so quickly? I'm not prepared yet, Lord, I've barely gotten over the death of my paternal grandmother!

Could I please just have some more time with her? I really don't know how prepared I am to face another death, more rounds of care, another still white body lying in the casket. I really don't know if I can do it.

At the very least, Lord, remember what my greatest wish has always been? I just want granny to be able to see me graduate. That's in January next year. Can? At the very least? And maybe one more Chinese New Year where she's in good enough health to have reunion dinner with us? Could I please? I know You can do it!

I really, really don't know if I can go through this.

2006-01-29T01:27:00.000+08:00

Remember a post I put up awhile ago about a challenge for me to dedicate two years of my life to God?

Hope clicking there refreshed your memory. But anyways.....

I made that decision. Yeps, that's right, I decided to dedicate two years of my life to God, which basically means I'll be single for the next two years. Muahahaha!

I also decided to call this The Two Year Club

Jokes aside, the main reason I wanted to do this was because I realised, what is two years of my life dedicated to the One who gave me His whole life?! Who am I to be so selfish?

So yes, these next two years, my heart is set on God. And yes, I realise that being the emo-person, incurable romantic etc that I am, there are bound to be times and people (read: guys) who will challenge my stand on this. But I will not be moved, because He who seeks to save his life will lose it, and he who gives up his life for Me will gain it. Matthew 24:11, I think.

I look forward to this adventure, this challenge that God has in store for me. And I know that through this period that I'm being moulded into a woman after God's own heart. And also moulded into the ideal partner for whoever it is. (The lucky guy!) Lol. Heheh....

Erms, so don't be naughty yah, I don't want to do anything silly so don't encourage me to be silly okay? Two years is quite some time. I'll be 22! Eeek!

It's worth it, really.

Oh, I'm not alone in The Two Year Club by the way. I have a support team! Which means we are supporting each other throughout this journey! Let's see, Judy, Lizzie, Bern and Max, so far. Maybe more to come? :)

Well, here's a toast (Yum Seng!) and some Lo Sang to The Two Year Club! Happy CNY! :D

2006-01-28T23:40:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!

I'll be going up to Cameron Highlands with family tomorrow. Various cousins, aunties and uncles. We'll be having a ball of a time, eating steamboat in the cold weather, playing games like Taboo, Cluedo, and Pictionary. My cousins will take the opportunity to torture me, I'm sure, and make sure that I am humiliated beyond words...okay I was kidding.

For those of you mischievious quarters, I'll be staying in a country cottage, quite private and accessible only via a small road (I think). Unwelcome visitors will be eaten up by vicious guard dogs... ;) So don't go about getting any ideas in your heads. :)

I'm looking forward to celebrating Chinese New Year! My grandma's not feeling too well though, but NVM! All is well, and I thank God that she's still here.

Well, enjoy yourselves, everyone! Don't be too much of a glutton, and collect lots of ang pows! As for those of you guys who are giving ang pows, well, have fun le. Give and you shall greatly receive... :D

2006-01-24T10:26:00.000+08:00

I missed my flight.

And I see Edison laughing.

We now leave tomorrow, and our combined cost is oh, about 400% of the original? Man. This sucks.

We also lose all our angpow money this year. Good lesson. I see you smiling.

The airport got to know us, mainly because my parents were screaming at us. Not that loud, really, only about 200dbs, that's all.

I'm devastated, but at least I get to go back.

Uhms, and please, everyone, no need to say anything d okay? We've learnt our lesson. I've leart my lesson, and had some very harsh (and deserved) screaming from my parents. Enough liaw. Please don't bring this up anymore alright?

I'm angry at myself, and we all know that the scolding one gives themself is easily the worst.

And yes, this is tale that would be remembered for the years to come.... I can see myself telling my kids to please not miss any flights. And to be more time-conscious.

Argh cannot tahan, MUROBOND lah! Don't ask.

But on the other hand, maybe I can complete that unfinished business I mentioned earlier. There has got to be a reason for this.

2006-01-24T02:39:00.000+08:00

Short note: This has got to be the first time I'm not prepared to go back to Big Bad KL.

I bummed today, big time, because I'm currently hooked onto the CSI: Season 5 that my godsister lent me. I completed 11 episodes yesterday and today, thanks to the convenience of a laptop and headphones. *hugs laptop* And all these in the comfort of my bed in my room and my multiple pillows! :D

I managed to catch Edison and Ping this evening, mainly because that silly boy (heh) left his charger in my car. So since I'm a wonderful person, I drove to his house to give it back to him. Caught him eating dinner and ended up yakking with Ping and him for awhile before leaving to pick Cuz. I'm going to miss (Argh! What am I saying?! Oh no!) that bugger but word has it that he'll be in Kuching for some time. Hrmmm.

~~The city's going to collapse from noise pollution.~~

Picked Cuz to go practice before heading home to enjoy the crabs prepared by my dad.

Picked him up again after practice, with Lyne, then went to meet Max to collect my house keys as well as hand over the L.I.V.E book responsibilities.

At my place, the boy received a phone call stating that the super barista was needed to make more ~~potions~~ drinks for the customers so we went off to Tao.

Cuz made me a bar special but it wasn't on scholarship.. :( :P It was.. uh... called something that didn't mean anything. Lyne's was First cut is the deepest and I can't remember what mine was for the life of me. It had loads of coffee (which probably explains why I'm still bright-eyed and chirpy) and was supposed to have a bit of alco (Irish cream?) but I couldn't taste much. Unfortunately. But thanks anyway, Cuz! *hugs*

Yalah so after everything I sent them all to Max's place because I really couldn't drive them home. Had to come back and pack.

I go off tomorrow. I wish I had done more back home this time, but because I was working, I couldn't really meet up with everyone I wanted to. So here's a short little thing...

Jason: I do, do wish we could've hung out a wee bit more. But you were oh-so-tied up with work, plus you didn't want to puke anymore at the Euro fair (haha!) so I guess.. oh well. Next time! And this time, please bring back those chocolates from the Cadbury factory in Tassie that you kept telling me about. :P Take care, O Loud and Noisy one. :P

Feli: Once really wasn't enough, but things didn't really go as planned. I promise you much, much more time next time around k? Great job with the Blogger's meet, and yes, you can use that picture we took then for your Pixart album. ;) *huggies!*

Ben: Benny!!!! :( You come back weird time for CNY, then when you were back end of the year I wasn't around. :( But at least you didn't get to bully me HAHA. Enjoy Sabah, see you next time k?

Ian titi: Thank you a million million million times over for my Full Metal Panic! Season 3!!!! You're the best lah, bro. Oh and the Honey and Clover! But I wish I could have the whole season. NVM! Next time! And I'll pay you! :D *hugs*

And everyone else is either in KL, or in another time zone. So I guess that'll have to wait. :)

Well.. I just completed the burning for the remaining episodes of CSI. I *heart* CSI. Download! :D

The plane leaves in exactly 6 hours and I don't think I'll be seeing Kuching for the next one year. And if I do come back before that, it had better not be something bad that forces me back.

KL... I'm returning. I'm happy, but I feel like I have unfinished business in Kuching. However, I'm glad that I can return to the place where... I guess I feel I really belong. And no, I don't mean the big city. I mean....

Yeah, I mean them.

2006-01-22T22:44:00.000+08:00

I'm sad. I'm crying.

Why, tell me, why must family be apart during Chinese New Year? Forget the festivities, forget those noisy firecrackers, Chinese New Year is about family. So why can't we be together and just please try to be happy?

Ne ne wouldn't want us all to mope around and be sad. She wouldn't.

I want to be with family this New Year. And that means my family in KL and my family in Kuching. I don't want us to be separated. But things aren't going as planned.

There's no sense whatsoever in having to call your parents to wish them Happy Chinese New Year if things can be helped. Unless I'm stuck in southern Mongolia or somewhere equally remote, I wouldn't let that happen.

People keep asking me, why am I not going to be in Kuching during CNY?

I want to be home, darn it, I really, really do! CNY in Kuching is... a familiarity. It's something I treasure. But this year, inevitably, will be different. I wouldn't be able to go anywhere to visit, because Chinese custom dictates that the first year after a funeral, you don't celebrate CNY.

Please, guys, understand. I want, but I can't. Ben, Jess, G, Jase, Edi, Feli, and all my other much beloved friends, I want to be here. I miss all of you guys a lot too, especially those I don't get to see much so how? I wouldn't get to see you guys for some time - a year at least this time, if all things go as planned.

And besides, my other grandmother's in KL. How can I not be there with her, with them, after all that's happened here? One year is an awful long time you know. Anything can happen in a year. And God knows if I had known that last year's CNY would've been Ne Ne's last celebration, I would have done a million and one things differently.

But it's all too late now, and I can't change anything. But the future's still in my hands. I can still spend this New Year with my other grandmother, who would also be mourning the loss of her sister. But at least I'll be with my grandmother.

I'm scared, really scared that if I don't spend CNY with my grandmother, I might not get a chance next year. Call me anything you want, but I'm not taking any chances.

On the other hand though, if my parents aren't around as well, what's the point?

I don't know what's going to happen. I'm all choked up over this. I just want this to be over and done with.

Don't cry, Carol. Or it'll be the second time today.

2006-01-14T21:33:00.000+08:00

Fasting from the Internet

Yes, you read right. :P

The church (ECF) started our annual 10 day fast and prayer on Friday. Since I didn't know about it beforehand, I started seeking God about what I should fast from.

Food didn't seem much like a sacrifice. I mean, it's just food. Though I love, love food, it isn't exactly something that distracts me from the pursuit of God, you know what I mean?

I really like what King David said in 2Samuel 24:24 "...I will not present burnt offerings to the Lord my God that have cost me nothing,"

And in the same way, I don't want to just 'fast' from something which isn't that hard, or requires that much of a sacrifice.

The Internet (and this blog, haha) takes up a lot of my time. And I can safely say that in itself, really distracts me from God. Distracts me from spending time with God. From talking to Him. From listening to Him. From understanding more of His will for my life.

This decision is worth it - so worth it because by doing this, I'm starting the year right. And because I'm serious about my relationship with God, I will do whatever it takes to draw closer to Him. I trust that in these 8-10days or so, He will reveal many things to me, allow me to catch a glimpse of the plans that He has for my life.

I trust that I will have the wisdom to make important and neccessary decisions, and most importantly, that His name will be Glorified and lifted high because of this little step of obedience that I'm taking.

Until then, pray for me. Please pray for me because this isn't going to be easy. And uh, sms me. Call me. Whatever. I still need a social life, you know? :P

Oh and by the way, the fasting and prayer guide can be found on the church website. It can be downloaded, if you are interested in these whole prayer and fasting thing. :)

Til the next time we meet! Or I blog. Whichever comes first. :D

Don't forget, Bloggers Meet on 21 January! :)

2006-01-13T23:58:00.000+08:00

I thought I'd just advertise this here:

There's going to be a Kuching Bloggers Meet!!!! The details are as below:

Date: 21 January 2006
Day: Saturday
Time: 7.30pm
Venue: Hornbill Cafe (That yummy steamboat place I coincidentally have been craving)
Price: RM 16 per person. (All you can eat lei! Come with an empty tank!)

The map is available here

But then right, if you are from Kuching and you don't know where that place is... tsks.. shame on you... :P

So go! Make your way there! It'll be cool because though Kuching has quite a lot of bloggers, we've never actually 'met' before.

Besides, a little bird told me that Kenny Sia will be there.. :D

Now if only someone can please persuade Huai Bin of Sixthseal to come...

2006-01-13T19:51:00.000+08:00

I am, officially, pathetically sick.

I sneezed off half my nose this afternoon while teaching, much to the amusement of the students. Little 'sneezes' started popping out not too long later as they imitated me. Meanies.

Stumbled home at 5pm plus after buying some beloved Febricol from the pharmacy. Crashed and slept like mad until Roy called me to give Jia Wen the synthesizer numbers so he can play around with it. Will be going by later to see how it goes.

I feel horrible la.. all hot up and down, with the red, sniffly nose.

I hate being sick... sigh...

Aww, look at Pepper sitting by me. I love that little doggy, though he might well have caused this ailment of mine. ;)

2006-01-13T02:04:00.000+08:00

I'm sick.

I caught a nasty flu bug this afternoon - it was either Pepper's fur that aggravated my nose, or the extreme cold in the classroom. Therefore I'm sneezing pathetically.

However, that did not stop me from going to the Euro Fair in MJC where I sat on two rides, and spent money trying to win the cutest cow plushie on earth (it was holding a daisy in its mouth!). I failed. Miserably. *Cries*

The rides are quite fun, and the fact that was I out with friends meant that I didn't have my mum there to stop me from getting on the rides. However, two was the most I could take because I conveniently 'ate' a lot of air while screaming, and ended green-faced.

Didn't puke though, unlike Jason Wong, haha.

Going back sgain some time just to take in a couple more rides (NOT including Extreme, that crazy free-fall 360degrees ride), and to try win that cow plushie. Could someone please win it for me too?

Off to sleep, after watching a bit more of Harry Potter IV. Btw, am in a bit of a bad mood swing today. I think it must be the whole PMS issue. Stupid hormones.

2006-01-12T00:13:00.000+08:00

Jess Chan is in town!

We went out for a hawker dinner in Tabuan Jaya, checked out the Vincci in Tun Jugah, visited Travillion, and finally ended up in Expert Food Court @ Jln Song. (Where we had more of those yummy chicken wings and delicious 5-layer Teh C Peng.

Jess had the (dubious) honour and privilege to be introduced to Jason and Edison. They have pegged her as one of their own... prawn-talking wise, that is. Watching Jason and Edison is like watching a two-man comedy show. That's why enjoy being out with them. Barring the times when I become their object of torture, of course.

Speaking of which, they briefed Jess on the story. Idiots.

We're going out for a kueh chap brunch tomorrow in what Cuz says (and I know) is the best Kueh Chap in Kuching. Yay!

Speaking of which... I still hope he's fine. Awww... *hugs an unseen Cuz*

2006-01-11T13:42:00.000+08:00

*Looks at drenched self*

*Picks out stray bits of fur from hands, and glances at the carpet stuck to shirt*

Bathing my dog, was a sopping wet, exciting, stressful, soapy experience.

Pepper gave me such a hard time bathing him today! He wasn't as docile and peaceful as last week when I bathed him. No, this time, he was determined to get as much water, soap and fur on me as possible.

He wriggled everywhere, squirmed lke a worm, and worst of all he did what all wet dogs do - shake his water and fur all over the place in MY HOUSE! At least the dining area. The new daily helper had just mopped the floor and now - now I have to do it again.

*Looks at Pepper in the carpark*

*Ignores the little whines from him as he begs to be let in*

Next time around, I'm entering the warzone better prepared.

2006-01-10T23:17:00.000+08:00

Highlight of the day:

Me to Pri5 boy: Do you know what 'ibu negara' (capital city) means?
Pri5 boy: (in Mandarin) Erm.... my mother's country?

I burst out laughing for awhile before composing myself and explaining the word to him.

Oh the amusement that comes with teaching kids.

2006-01-10T00:02:00.000+08:00

Today was a hectic day which involved doing admin work at my mum's office till 5.45pm, rushing home to cook dinner for the family, bringing rice for my mum who was still at the office, and going for music practice, for which I was half an hour late...

But a plus point was that today, my mum didn't think my food was tasteless (she likes salty stuff! more than me!) and that I got to have yummy chicken wings at Expert Food Court @ Jln Song! :D

Lizzie, I'm worried lei. Not so much because of the sms I got from you the other day, but more towards the fact you didn't reply my smses and calls. Is everything okay back home?

Another long day tomorrow.....

I was challenged awhile ago to contemplate giving two years of my life to God. As in stay single for the next two years. Well, I'm pretty much sure I'll be single (ha!), plus, I've been that way for the past 4-5 years so.....

But for some strange reason, it seems like such a hard thing to give up! But then he said, 'If it's not hard letting go, it's not worth giving up.' Which is true.

Wonder if it's in God's will for me to do so.....

But I am such an incurable romantic that the idea of it just seems scary and threatening. But then, if during this period, I grow and grow, as God moulds me, changes me, wouldn't it be worthwhile in the end? To be able to be the right one for the other person? It's not like I want to waste my time on meaningless, short-lived relationships anyway.

I suppose I need to really learn to think long-term, and not be so short-sighted in my view of the situation.

2006-01-08T23:51:00.000+08:00

Whew. What a conversation.

I'm sure you get what I mean, Lyne. ;)

I stand firm to what I've always said: In every misunderstanding and conflict, both sides are at fault. That is for sure. Though one party may feel more wronged than the other, I find it hard to believe (if not impossible) that there is any conflict where there's only one party to blame.

And besides, none of us are perfect you see. We all learn from our mistakes. And from that, we teach others to not make the same mistakes. That's why Romans 8:28 says that 'All things work for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes'!

And it all boils down to our self-discipline, time management and maturity la. I speak for myself - I realise that I have many many things to change, especially where all these time things are concerned. I mean, if you don't have proper time management, no matter how much free time you have, it's also not of much use, right?

Anyway.

I also find it very sad that a (relatively) good friend of mine is going through a tough time. He puts on a brave face (more or less) but I can see it in his actions, the difference in his attitude, his plans. And like another friend said, his eyes give it all away. They are so... sad!

After all, the eyes are the windows to your soul, remember? It's hard to disguise sadness in your eyes.

I pray for the best in his future... and really want to give him a BIG HUGE comforting bear hug...

Work tomorrow. Early, early. I wanted the other job, but family commitments tie me down here.....

2006-01-07T23:44:00.000+08:00

Ehehe.

Dropped by Uncle Mervyn's place today, in time to catch the last quarter of youth. Edison, Jason and Jesmine were there.

Edison has shoulder-length hair. He had his hair in braids when I saw him and looked like a girl, teehee.

Obviously, with this being Edison, and him having been deprived of bullying me for the past one year, it wasn't even 3 minutes before he started abusing me...

Meanie!

Heh.

Went for a drink in HuiSing with them, after Edison went to pick Yiping up (and a F2 guy Jesmine's tutoring, Matthew). My sister was with us. So she got to laugh at me.

But I didn't mind that! I know they abuse me very badly, but I know they don't mean ~~any~~ much harm. Keke...

But I THINK I retaliated some of the shots fired well! :P WhatEVER, Edison! :D

Aiyah, it was such good fun going out with this hilarious bunch of people again, though it was only for awhile. It's been so long! But the obvious absence of Ben lingered...

Miss Ben! The (more)docile one of the bunch.... who bullies me as well.

Meeting up with them again was definitely the highlight of my day. I laughed and laughed the whole way through, because these people are just way too ridiculous, funny, and inane.

Till the next time! :)

2006-01-05T22:28:00.000+08:00

Today marked the seventh week of my grandma's passing. Therefore, today marked the last day of the mourning period...

~~I can wear colourful clothes again!~~

Nah, please don't take that sentence seriously okay. I know there's more too life than colourful clothing (though I really delight in wearing them).

We woke up early to go up to the cemetery and meet with the other relatives there. Noticed that a tree growing behind the grave could pose a possible danger to the graves of my grandparents (unruly roots, you see) so my dad wants to get them to chop it down..

It's becoming a routine (kind of), what I've been doing back home. Teach and cook. And clean. And somehow, I rather enjoy it. Well, English has always been my passion (one of it) so helping kids to further understand and enjoy the language brings me great satisfaction. Besides, them knowing more English can only do them good la..

I got this message from Bernard today, after I had told him that I was teaching English:

"What's a supplement pseudo adjective suffix?"

=.+"

What the....

I told him it was torturing device used on the likes of him.

2006-01-05T00:38:00.000+08:00

The Joys of Teaching, Driving, and Meeting Up With People...

I went grocery shopping for my family today! Since the kakak (who is obviously not coming back) is not around, my poor, overworked mum has hardly had a chance to do anything save for running the tuition centre. Therefore, there's hardly any foodstuff around the house. Which led to me waking up early this morning to send my dad to the polyclinic and heading for the market..... I feel domesticated! And I like it! I like being domesticated! Heh. I wanna cook dinner tomorrow..

Helped my mum teach four Primary 6 kids English today. Teaching is really something I got from my mum - I really enjoy it! I loved explaining things to the kids (not just doing exercises - how boring), like why it's called a dash of pepper and a pinch of salt. Enjoyed teaching them why the plural noun of 'baby' is 'babies'... I believe when they understand how it happens, it helps them understand more, instead of just blindly memorising. What if a word you never memorised appears? How? :)

And let's not forget the joys of driving...

I am so deprived of driving in KL. I love, love, love driving. Alone, especially. Just being in the car, alone with my thoughts, alone with God.. those are good times for me. Plus, I can play the music as loudly as I want and no one can complain.. heh.. I like manouevring around... tackling tricky turns properly... and I don't speed (much) okay! I'm a lot safer now then when I first started.. right now I average around 70-80kph..(that's on the straight roads..) which is decent for Kuching..

Did I mention I get off my 'P' and get a REAL licence in 15 days time? So happy! :P

Met up with Roy, Lyne, Brian and Lincoln today to discuss the outreach thing Roy's church is doing on the 14th January. Am helping out, especially where worship is concerned. Ate in Richmond Place opposite Trinity Methodist Church. Not bad! :)

Discovered that there is a sort-of mamak near my place which opens till late and serves up KL stuff like Nasi Goreng USA, paprik etc.. and roti! Yay...

I think today was eventful la. Good balance between family and friends.

Going to sleep real soon, have to go 'work' tomorrow. That is, helping my mum teach or whatever la. More kids and more fun! Yay! :P

2006-01-03T23:02:00.000+08:00

New Year Resolutions

Pretty basic, really. They include being less messy, tidying up more often and not procrastinating as much as I have been doing.

However, above all else, what I have resolved for this year is to ask God for more wisdom.

Wisdom in dealing with my friends. When I think about the two years I've known Shirley and Grace, and how I yearn to see them come to know Christ, I feel like I've failed, in some sense, in leading them to Christ. How, you tell me?

Wisdom in leading the girls. I don't know how to do it! Sometimes, I feel so inadequate. But I know that with God, I can do it.

Wisdom in my speech and actions. As intelligent as I am (ha! :P), I tend to do really dumb things. How many quarrels and misunderstandings could have been averted if I had been more wise in my actions and words? Loads. I look back on all those occasions and deeply regret it.

Wisdom in dealing with my emotions. Sometimes, I allow my emotions to get the better of me, and that really can bring me down. This year, however, I will not let that happen...much. Keke.

That's just some of the wisdom I want la.. Basically, I really want to be in tune with what God wants me to do. I remember that in Bern's Christmas note to me, he asked me to remember that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Very well said indeed.

Draw closer to me, sweet Lord, as I draw closer to you....

2006-01-03T22:44:00.000+08:00

Some lone time.....

After returning from Genting yesterday, I proceeded to have some much-needed 'myself' time.

Despite the fact that I am quite a social animaland enjoy hanging out, I also happen to like solitude. And with all the hustle and bustle of Christmas, parents and Lyne, I haven't had exactly had much time to myself.

I sat down at the dining table, and wrapped all my new books. I take great pride in wrapping up my books, because I just feel like I'm giving them - my beloved possessions - an extra lease on life. Embossed plastic! In the process of wrapping, I discovered that I've increased my book collection in KL by six books! All in one month! So happy! :D

I have...

1. Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Sykes, courtesy of Lizzie.

2. Gifted Hands by Ben Carson M.D.

3. The Power of Intercession by Dutch Sheets

4. The Vision of His Glory by Anne Graham Lotz

5. Anne of Ingleside by L.M. Montgomery

6. Rainbow Valley by L.M. Montgomery

Obviously the bookworm in me is overjoyed.

After wrapping up the books, I curled up under my comforter in my air-conditioned room, switched on my beautiful IKEA lamp, and proceeded to read a good part of the night away. And for a few hours, I allowed myself to be brought into the beautiful world of Ingleside and Prince Edward Island.....

I love my times of solitude.. those times when I go away on a trip into another world, where everything is beautiful, and rainbows dip into a remote corner of your garden...

2006-01-03T22:42:00.000+08:00

I'm home in Kuching! *excited smile* Land of really good food and wonderful people! But most importantly, I'm home lei...

I have so many things to talk about! New Year and how it was etc, but it would be so long I'll bore you. So I'll break it up into parts alright?

But before all those things start, I would like to make an apology of sorts. I understand that a couple of my previous entries were put up during a time of frustration, sadness, and yes, a little pity-party. It was a very bad time to put it up, I think, considering that some people I know had just discovered this site. It very well could have caused them to have a different impression of me, etc. That was not the original intention.

However, I'm sure you guys understand that this is where I vent... make my feelings known most of the time. Be assured - with me what you see is what you get! Click here to see what I mean. That was written more than a year ago. Anyways, read it la.

But I digress. Getting back on track, what I mean is that like any other normal person, I go through good and bad times. I go through times when I can get severely sad, melancholic and all that. But one of the main reasons most people don't see me then (especially those in church) is because church is the one place I feel truly happy. I just feel so, so happy when I'm there, my troubles go away, if only for the moment. I'm human, so bear with me as I allow God to deal with that part of me alright? :)

I'm home, and I'm happy. I'm happy that I have three weeks to spend with my family, and beloved, dear, dear friends whom I haven't seen in ages (no, Jason, not you! Haha.. Nor you, Edison! Heh.) Plus I get to buy white roses and leave them on my grandmother's yet-to-be-overlaid-with-granite grave...

Loads of thoughts floating around, discoveries I've just made. I need time to sort all these out. Thank you Lord, for the three weeks. Let it be purposeful and use me to the fullest.

2005-12-31T02:36:00.000+08:00

I'm happy again! Because I just looked at the beautiful photos I took during Christmas and these past few days!

I shall now proceed to share my joy with you! :P

However, since Blogger has been Very Mean lately, I regret to inform you that I have not uploaded it here. But fret not, head over to my ever-reliable Multiply and enjoy yourself there. You can even rip the photos from me! :)

Of course, there'll be more pictures up. Soon la, very soon.

And here's a gigantic HUG to those people who played a part in making those pictures more beautiful. :) Love, love, LOVE each and everyone of you wonderful people!

And come to think of it, I suspect this is my last entry of 2005.

Happy New Year 2006, everyone! May it be a year full of GREAT and EFFECTIVE open doors! :D And thank you for making 2005 so, so memorable!

2005-12-31T02:14:00.000+08:00

On a slightly more melancholic note.... (lack for a better adjective, honestly)

I got those little feelings from my past today... little feelings of - how shall we put this - rejection? Exclusion? I don't know how to describe it, but well, I just felt that way la. I know they didn't mean to make me feel this way... so I'm really working on not being bugged by it.

What do I mean by that?

Let's just say tomorrow is New Year's Eve and I have no idea whatsoever where I'll be where 2006 bids us hello. Nor do I know whom I'll be with. I don't know whether I'll be going anywhere on New Year's Day itself (though others are) and frankly speaking, it sucks big time.

Didn't really think it would be this way, but I suppose I'm just really not so there yet.

I'm sorry, but I don't like the feeling of being a second thought.

Like those times you guys went for movies without me. Oh, I know there were very valid reasons for those times, you know, lack of car space etc but one does wonder, if you really wanted me to go, somehow, someway, there'd be a car space for me, right?

I sound so mean. I'm sorry. :(

All those events! Things! Places!

The fact that the end of the year is tomorrow is really causing me to think a lot. I dunno la, but I suppose wounds from secondary school have not really gone away.....

Lyne, I think you'd know what I'm talking about - to some extent, that is.

Don't get me wrong - I am exceedingly happy here. I do feel loved here, I feel so free! But things are different, I suppose, because after all, I haven't been here for that long. So probably I'm still not in yet, whatever that means.

Never was in during sec school... all those times when I was groupless during projects and had to hunt around for a group which will please take me in otherwise I'd have no marks!

I regret slacking in F4, really. If I hadn't I wouldn't have been streamed down into Sc2! (Cried for weeks, by the way) Oh I enjoyed my year there all right - not as stressed as how it would have been in the top class, got to meet fab people like Sam, but well, you know, in a new class, everyone's all grouped up already. Fine, cliqued up, happy?

And the fact that the girl from a Chinese pri school who was among the last to enter the class in Form 1 never really had her own group didn't help. You see, she was always floating from group to group. They loved her, both groups did, but there wasn't really any space for her.

At least that's how she perceives it.

I understand it's been a pretty solemn entry, and I apologise. I'm seldom this way. But the thoughts are floating around and they wouldn't be going away anytime soon so bear with it for a while k? Thanks.....

2005-12-31T01:48:00.000+08:00

Eheks. I suppose... yes, I think I'll do this again. *Deep breath*

Hi WenHao! Hi Yean Ching!

I had no idea, frankly speaking, that you guys would find this site. Oh, I suppose it was to be inevitable, after all, I'm asking for it, considering that this is the Big Bad World of the Internet right? Ah well... :) But all is well.

Well. Am sitting in Lyne's aunty's apartment. We came here, originally wanting to just let her take some stuff, but I later persuaded Lyne to stay and just be here because her aunt was just discharged from the hospital today...

Today was shopping day!

Despite some initial hiccups in our plans of leaving early for KL (let's just say family issues were involved), we finally started shopping. Headed to IOI first to allow her to get her contacts fixed in EOG, after which we headed to the third floor of IOI where Nichii Fashion CIty just opened not too long ago.

I am uttely in love with the clothes there. Oh the woes of being broke! I could go on and on about the lovely clothes I saw there and so, so, wanted to buy, but I wouldn't bore you. Let's just say that my eyes were especially on this lovely black top with turqoise beads and sequins, as well as this beautiful flared skirt...

Anyway. After Nichii (Lyne bought stuff there! Yay!), we headed for the Reject Shop, where I could FINALLY shop, but only because I had an RM50 voucher with me. Bought a new pair of jeans - rejected Gap jeans, methinks - that was super cheap AND gorgeous.

I love shopping.

After a simple dinner of sorts, we finally headed down to KLCC. ZARA! Oh my goodness, ZARA! I saw this absolutely gorgeous winter coat there that cost RM399 and immediately regretted letting my mum do my winter coat shopping for me.... It was a white wintercoat with wool trimming, and was at that perfect length - the knees. Can you imagine how gorgeous it was?! And I couldn't buy it! *cries* *sobs*

Oh the devastation I felt! (Ekeke, dramanya....)

There were nice jeans in Topshop as well. But they were super low-rise. Nah.... not my kind of jeans.

KLCC was rather rushed though, as Lyne had arranged for her cousin to pick us up around 9.30pm. So we didn't get in enough shopping. We're going again tomorrow, if all things go well. KLCC, then probably Canaanland so she can pick up some good books and CDs. Then SNL!

Got many more things, but I'll make that another entry. Cheers.

2005-12-29T23:59:00.000+08:00

Ehehe. I must do this. :D

HI JAY!!!!!!

But how and where on earth did you dicover this site anyway...? I don't exactly publicise, you know what I mean? Lol.. heh.

Anyway, stayed over in Hanna's yesterday. It was extremely impromptu and very unplanned... after all, the plan was just to go Midvalley to shop lei.. but oh well. It was fun and interesting anyways. :)

Left around noon with a cab to go church to help take down the deco. Lyne was with me. Oh, I must mention this...

Lyne, thanks so much for being so supportive and sporting. I know you wanted to shop and do a million things.. but I had so many commitments. But I thank you for being ever-so-supportive, helping us even with the deco... being with me through music practice.. the next few days we really go all out and shop okay? Even though I, am flat broke. Like really flat broke. Sigh.

We're planning to go down to KL tomorrow, around the Golden Triangle. Lyne wants and deserves to shop (she has barely bought ANYTHING this past week lei!), so we're gonna walk around, and visit Starhill Gallery... basically do touristy stuff. Yay.

I've got a million and one things I'm brimming over with that I want to write about... let the world know... but Caution is advising me against it. I think I need some time to sort everything out though. I don't want to do anything dumb. Lately, I've been doing so many dumb things, if I were to do anymore, the Ministry of Education would make me go back to kindergarten. So we will play this game carefully okay?

Happier things ahead. Well, maybe not so. You'll see why.

I saw lovely, lovely shoes in Midvalley yesterday! This lovely pair in nose, those Lewre rattan wedges I've loved for ever-so-long. But it would be oh-so-extravagant to buy them, considering that I just bought a new pair of heels (so lovely, pink and sweet) Sides, I had no money. How sad. :D How, you tell me?

Then I saw nice clothes in MNG. (yes, you read right, the very brand I've detested for so long because everyone wears it - how boring) It was this winter jacket that was sleeveless, warm and reversible. I did try asking my mum if I could please buy it since we're going to the States at the end of winter so it'll be freezing anyway, but I didn't get the parental nod. Sniffles.

Met up with ALBERT! Albert whom I've not seen since last year (and apparently, who hasn't cut his hair in that duration also). ALbert~!! :P I don't agree with the goatee and sideburns though. But to each his own. :P

Anyway Hanna treated us to DOME drinks, because she has too many bean points. Sat, chatted, laughed, and took photographs until Hanna went 'OI! Okay! Enough photos!'

When we came out from MPH Hanna bumped into Az Samad and a very jet-lagged Shelley Leong. They talked for a while. Hanna's quite the girl-about-town isn't she? :D

Right. Enough yakking. This has been a very random, very here-and-there post. But when a person is deep in thought, s(he) doesn't exactly have enough space to write in a profound manner, does she now? Maybe when she recollects her thoughts.

And in her attempt to do so, she will now try to persuade her friends to go yum cha. Teh ais always makes her that much happier, anyway.

2005-12-29T13:06:00.000+08:00

Blog Entry – 27 December 2005

Yesterday, we went for another family dinner, this time with the family of my second aunt. It was good fun. We had Yong Tau Foo and various other dishes in a restaurant near my grandma’s place.

However, that is not the point.

My cousin, ChingYaw sent us back. And seeing that my parents are currently interested in investing around Puchong, he brought us for a drive through some parts of Puchong. We saw houses, apartments, condominiums – both completed and uncompleted. Rows and rows of cars parked outside the apartments, thousands upon thousands of brightly lit windows in the dark of the night, and that was when it hit me.

So many people here in Puchong.

Stats show that there are around half a million people living in this fast-developing area of Puchong. 500,000 people. Why, Kuching only has 700,000+ people! As I realized the magnitude of this fact, there was only one thing going through my mind:

So many of this people need God. And yet they don’t know Him. They don’t know about this God that is intensely searching for them.

And that really broke my heart. What do we have right now in the church – 300 people, maybe? Out of how many? Why, that’s barely 0.0006% of the population! And count in the fact that lots of the people in church are from neighbouring areas like Damansara, PJ, Subang and KL. What about the people from Puchong? Still quite minute, in my opinion.

I want to see Puchong reached for Christ. I don’t care what you are going to say about me. Call me anything you want, all I know is that I have a higher and greater calling – to make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. [See Matthew 28:19] I don’t know about all the nations where I’m concerned, but I know that it is my responsibility to reach out to where I am – my neighbours. Puchong, LUCT… these are all where I’m called to reach out to. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, I don’t know what to do, but I know that with God guiding me through this, I’ll be able to do to the best of my abilities.

I live to honour, serve, and please only one person.

2005-12-27T23:03:00.000+08:00

My parents and sister are going back tomorrow. Heh.

In the period of this one week or so, several fights have erupted (sigh), loads of places have been visited, loads of money spent on taxi fare... and shopping.

I officially have my new wardrobe, for starters. As well as a corkboard from IKEA to pin up all my treasured notes from other people. :)

I also had two checkups to determine my suitability for Lasik. Basically, I am quite a suitable candidate, just that the doctor thinks I should give it another year or so; just to let my degree really stabilise, allow puberty to end (there's a chance for my to grow taller! Yay!!!), and hopefully see that my corneal thickness increases. Right now, it's pretty much at his borderline, at around 285microns. But time is on my side, he says. Btw, if you are contemplating Lasik, go Vista Vision in The Curve @ Mutiara Damansara! It's so good! Plus it's the largest Lasik centre in Malaysia lei..:P Nevermind, I will be without my glasses in a year or so! I don't mind the wait! :D

Christmas celebration was beyond great... I was so, so happy here during Christmas!Really, I can't remember the last Christmas I had that was so joy-filled! I received loads of presents (keke, mostly chocolate) and gave out quite a bit of presents as well. And I loved the giving part! Truly, it is so blessed to give! :D

Well, they say pictures speak more than a thousand words, so I will attempt to communicate my Christmas in picture-form:

Picture 1: The African sisters singing a capella. How their voices blend together so harmoniously is beyond my powers of comprehension. Beautiful.....

Picture 2: Wen Hao, I and Jay. Two extremely sweet brothers from IMU. :) They're nice la, the both of them. Heh. *hugs*

Picture 3: Yean Ching and I. Ching! We were going to do those normal shots when she said it'll be nicer to hug. I complied... and after the photo was taken... I noticed Sewei hanging in the background. Muka tebal. :P

Picture 4: Lyne and I. Lyne went to church 3 days in a row! Hehehe.... :D

Picture 5: Bernard and I. Bern is *coughs* taller than me ~~only in this picture~~. ;) Teehee.

Picture 6: My family with Pastor Tim. As usual, pastor delivered a dynamic, humourous, yet full-of-truth message.

Picture 7: My family (excluding me) with PC. Pretty in pink! :)

Then later on in the evening, we went for a family Christmas dinner with my cousins, aunts and uncles. Not everyone went though.

Picture 8: The cousins together. I wurve wurve wurve 'em all! :D

Anyway, too many things have happened to be able to properly put them all on at once. Sharon says I have too many words, plus I don't want to use Max's laptop for too long. I will load more pictures into my Multiply, as usual. Once I get a chance to do so.

Till then, a very belated Christmas greeting from me! Remember, we are the reason that He gave His life.....

Note: The stupid Blogger refused to publish my pictures. MEAN! Will upload another time. Meanwhile, tease your imaginations by wondering what the pictures look like...:P

2005-12-23T11:49:00.000+08:00

Sitting in computer lab in college with my mum. Haha. Can you believe it? Lol...

Anyway, just came up to college with my mum to update some financial stuff. Transportation was graciously provided by the now cooler-looking *gags* Bernard Chia.. :P

Going down to meet Lyne later. She's coming with her cousin, so I think it's a better idea for us to meet in church (I want to check on the deco) before proceeding to go to Pyramid for a haircut, maybe a movie? I dunno... we see how lar.

Actually I really want to be in church tonight for the first day of production, but I really don't know if it's possible. I really hope so though! I really, really hope loads and loads of people turn up for this, because it's superb! So much effort has gone into this whole production! :) I am so, so proud of everyone. Sure, at the moment they might be a little nervous (haha Mei Fung and Arthur messed up their lines quite some yesterday night during the full-dress rehearsal) but I know they'll all rock tonight. :) As well as everyone else.

Went down to The Curve in Mutiara Damansara yesterday to check out Vista Vision. Considering, just considering getting Lasik done. But nothing's confirmed yet. I have a prelim checkup next Tuesday. We'll see how this goes.

I managed to get in 6hours sleep yesterday night, mainly because I couldn't take the sleep deprivation anymore. I have been sleeping less than two hours every night, with hour-long naps snatched whenever possible. As a result, my ugly side has been showing. I've been cranky, crabby, mean, short-tempered etc... like I've mentioned before, I'm very emotionally fragile.... so I had to sleep.

Anyway, gotta leave. Bern's chaoing already. Free ride! Lol..keke... :P

2005-12-21T01:11:00.000+08:00

19 December 2005 (blog entry)

Lizzie left for home in Indonesia yesterday. :( I miss her. :(( [Ha if you're reading this, blush! lol..keke.. *whacks Lizzie*]

Anyway, I just got back from church. Actually, we finished all the deco work yesterday night, I mean, this morning at 3am. The snowflakes hanging from the ceiling look fab. Two full days of work, cutting styrofoam, paper, gluing, hanging them up.. the works! In fact, we stayed in church till 6.00am Saturday morning doing the work. That’s considering we worked since 6.00pm, after we were done running around Puchong and PJ for the items. Consider this: Bandar Bkt Puchong – Tesco Puchong – Taman Mayang – IOI Puchong. That’s practically half the LDP okay!So if you were to see the church during Christmas, you had better say how much you love the deco OR ELSE!!!!. Heh.

Went down to KL, specifically Petaling Street with Sewei today to pick up items for the production, and some extra deco items as well. Bought stuff from Macy's - feathers and the works. Got caught in the rain, got my shoes soaking wet.. But it was fun! :D

When in Petaling Street, Sewei bought a white rat to feed the king snake she's helping someone take care of. So I got to watch a National Geographic Special live, right from Sewei's house! Seeing the snake dart around trying to catch the mouse (snake was actually rather dumb..) then finally getting its prey, sinking its fangs into it, coiling its powerfully muscular body around the poor creature, and finally devouring it... wow. Snakes are weirdly fascinating. But only from behind a pane of glass, thank you.

So like I said, I was in church this evening. Not that I did much, basically I watched them rehearse the production (it rocks big time, so you had better not miss it!), then Tefo and I ended up helping Bern with the lighting. Once again, not that I felt I was of much help, lol.

It's funny la, how God works. If everything had gone according to plan, I wouldn't be in KL right now. I'd be somewhere in New Zealand watching sheep (haha) and only returning the night before the production. And if I had been in New Zealand, I wouldn't have managed to help out with the deco and stuff like that. Wouldn't have had this chance to get to know people like Tefo and Bernard better. These two brothers of mine rock big, big time. They are hilariously stupid, kidding. Nah, they're just fun. They really make me laugh, and God knows I lack those people here. I mean, I've always known them, but never really had a chance to work this closely with them. Sewei and Judy? Pfft... haha kidding. I love my sistas.

On a slightly more jakun note, I got a chance to drive Bern's E200K today! Uhms. Sort of la. He was doing lighting and wanted to move the car closer to the side stairs, I was going to the car to get his Oakleys so yealah. Smooth. Power. The side mirrors automatically adjust to show the ground when you put the car in reverse! *big time jakunism* Forget the fact that I had no idea that to put on the handbrake you need to step on some thing next to the brake and to switch on the headlights you need to press a button on your side. :)

My parents are coming tomorrow night (Tuesday)! Which means that I need to clean up tomorrow morning before my mum arrives. Besides, I want the apartment to look its best for Christmas. My first Christmas in this apartment, in KL...! So yes, cleaning the house tomorrow morning, then going off to church around 1pm to do more deco. We'll be spraying patterns on the glass and stuff - Max's idea, as approved by PC. [Like Bern put it, there’s only one main person we need to impress, us deco people. Who, you ask? Who else? The prettiest cat in the ECF family la that’s who, haha.] And a little bit more deco upstairs, which is where we'll be hosting the people after the production. I am so excited! Rushing back at night to greet my parents, who'd prolly be arriving at the apartment around 10ish-11pm.

Visa application for the States in Jln Ampang on Wednesday morning. The plan is that we go apply for the visa, then I drag my parents to KLCC to shop and hopefully watch a movie together? I can't remember the last time we went to the movies together.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I also need to mail off Christmas cards, especially to the kids I took care of during the camp in Segamat. J Darn, have to write Chinese! *Searches in vain for a Chinese dictionary*. Die la this time, keke. ;)

Then Lyne comes on Thursday! *excited smile* Woi, confirm with me your plans okay? As in where you'd be staying the first night etc.

My sister straightened her hair! :P I can't wait to see her. I've missed my meimei. :)

Anyway, things are going real good here. I love this family I'm in. This Christmas production is going to rock. I can't wait for Christmas. But at the same time, it'd be nice if time could drag on a little longer.. I want to savour every moment of this time.

2005-12-21T00:43:00.000+08:00

My parents are here. They arrived around 10.45pm. I was still in church then, and had to rush back. :/

'Hurry guys! Bern..faster! We need to go!!!'

My meimei's here too! She straightened her hair...

Right now, I'm sitting in the cyber cafe in Block B. I forgot to get my passport photo with white background taken, so I shot a picture of myself with the camera, did some photoshopping here and there, and brought it down here to be printed. The guy's fixing the size of the photo at the moment.

I have another entry which I did yesterday at home. I'll post it up later...

We're going down to Jln Ampang to apply for our tourist visas to the states tomorrow. The rule of traffic jams, especially during morning rush hour here in KL dictates that we need to leave the house at 6.30am to make it for our 9.20am appointment, of which we need to be there by 8.45am... :/ 6.30am?!
Deco's not completed yet, so I really need to try to see if I can go church at the very least during the evening tomorrow. Final rehearsal for everything's on Thursday, so everything must be done by then. We're very shorthanded tomorrow too, with people like Max and Sam not around because of Christmas at Home in OUG. Bern has summer class in the morning. Judy's not around. Chun Wen is but one person...

But anyway, I'm looking forward to tomorrow because after we go for the interview, I'm planning to bring my parents down to Canaanland opposite KLCC. My sis needs to get a new Bible, plus I promised Bern I'll help him buy a backpack Bible for his bro Bryan, and not to mention, Daryl (not his bro...:P). Money! Haha.....

Right. Gotta run. Production starts on Friday! I am super duper excited!!!!!

2005-12-16T04:04:00.000+08:00

Happy 20th birthday, Jason Wong!!!!!

Heh.

Anyway, I'm sitting in Bern's room at the moment. A bunch of us, speciafically, Judy, Chun Wen, Nic and Tefo decided that we were going to camp out in Bern's place and watch DVDs. Therefore we did. Snatch, to be exact. Starring Benicio del Toro, Brad Pitt, and more F-words in the entire 2 hours than I could count.

Stupidly funny, though. I'll give it that much. Definitely ain't much on an intelligent show, though.

We are supposed to wake up in 3 hours time for a dim sum breakfast, us great planners. However, I've hung out with these people enough to know that they (including me la), make wonderful plans that never (most of the time) happen.

I've been spending the past couple of nights since Tuesday in my grandma's place. Lizzie was off at Singapore, Max at PD with Steven for some youth camp, which basically left the Prima area empty. Besides, I needed some TLC, pampering, Astro-use... you get the picture. So I made my way home.

Eh, don't lah give me that look. I don't go home just for that alright. But I gotta admit that it was partially so... there's no place like home ok? :)

On a slightly sadder note, Daryl's granddad just passed away due to lung cancer. *hugs* Don't worry about it, bro. Just do what you gotta do: be there for your family, comfort your parents, and be the shining light that you are called to be okay? Spread the love of Christ in this sad time.

I got a word while doing my QT just now, from 1Samuel 30: 6. "...David was greatly distressed because the men were talking about stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the Lord"

It really struck me, that one. How when the others were distressed, they talked about stoning David etc. However, though David was distressed, he sought his refuge in the Lord. And that, is the best way to deal with distress, trust me.

So Daryl-boy, don't worry about it okay? Though your family is distress, you seek refuge in the Lord. And after you've gotten your strength, teach them to seek refuge in the Lord. Use this opportunity, kay? Praying hard for you here. You know you've got us back here in spirit, though we can't be physically there for you. *Hugs more*

Well, gotta go crash and sleep. Judy's supposed to be coming up here also la. Where on earth is she? I don't want to be the only one sleeping in the room le....

2005-12-12T03:44:00.000+08:00

Segamat

Note: Most of the photos are in my Multiply. I'm only putting some here, heh.

So Chun Wen and I arrived in Segamat to join Max and Chua last Sunday around 2.30pm after an arduous 3-hour trip aboard a Transnasional bus which had stinky air-con...

The camp was amazing...of the 24-odd teens, 21 either got saved or recommited. So 3 left to go...hehe... However, to talk about the entire camp would be too long and uninteresting for you people, I think, so I'll just mention the important things:

We squashed each other building a pyramid. We wanted to do the cheerleader-style one, but it would have been too difficult, so we resorted to lying down on each other. Oof!

My group came in last. *Cries* But it's okay.. we had a lot of fun!!! :) Thanks to Zhen Dong a.k.a John, the brown-haired monkey wearing white holding the kid.. he is such a super-funny guy!

The 'Dao shi' or group supervisors (that's us!) were all great. Heh. :) Look! They made us pretend to be King Kong...

Everyone went back super-happy after the camp. New friends made, relationship with God strengthened, hurray!

Food in Segamat was amazing.. the Dim Sum, Bak Kut Teh, Cam C... Bee Sean made us eat so much! Heh... Get a load of all that dim sum.. and the bak kut teh.

I almost took revenge on Max for the pool incident, but sadly, he didn't get wet... :)

Bee Sean did such an amazing job as camp commander. This trip was so eye-opening for me. I feel so pushed to grow faster because this girl I'm leading is so special! (And so are the rest. :D)

The city kids in Segamat..... We're such posers le. I think I've been learning how to pose more, haha.

Anyway Segamat rocked la. What with RM1 fried chicken and 20sens satay, it was ony when I was there that I realised what a total city-girl I am. I was going nuts over the cheap things there. Can you believe that a meal for 9 of us cost only RM30.50?! RM0.50 for a glass of iced herbal tea that costs RM1.30 here in KL?! Plus Bee Seans' parents were so hospitable, as were Faith's grandparents. The people were so warm and friendly. I must make a trip back there again. Soon. And this time, it'll be aboard a nicer, newer, Transnasional bus that doesn't stink. Heh.

2005-12-10T00:51:00.000+08:00

I am in Melaka at the moment.

Segamat was great! Bee Sean and Faith stuffed us with food. Bak Kut Teh, Tai Chow, and a whole host of other yummylicious things. I gained weight, I think

The camp was amazing too... I think I'll dedicate 2 entries to Segamat, teehee. One would be way too short.

Came down to Melaka today. Daniel drove all the way to Muar to pick us up! What a sweetie.

Had chicken rice balls and satay celup. Melaka is bad for my weight and health as well.

Staying in Joanne's place, while Max and Chun Wen stay in Daniel's.

Fun la. I should explore more of West Malaysia next time.

Going back tomorrow morning after brekkie with everyone. See you back in KL!

Really should leave now. I'm supposed to be spending time with Jo, not Internet Explorer.

2005-12-04T01:12:00.000+08:00

Who links to me?

2005-12-04T00:36:00.000+08:00

Feel very hyper la! :P

I just came back from...uh, a lot of places actually. First SNL... then after that, a bunch of us (Aaron, Lizzie, Chun Wen, Ivan and I) followed Judy to get some stuff for Siao Wei's birthday...

Went to Giant in Kelana Jaya first to buy a slice of cake and some gifts for her... during which I spotted a Burger King (!!!!!!) and sped in there to get the French Chicken meal which I absolutely love... (more than Swiss Mushroom, even! It's the only chicken burger anywhere that I adore!)

Then we went to Siao Wei's place in Bandar Utama where we surprised her with the cakes and gifts... she was so touched! Hehe... Siao Wei's a very adorable girl la.

WIth all that done, we proceeded to eat in 'Hawaii' - the Ming Tien foodcourt in Taman Megah. Why 'Hawaii'? Cos their theme there is very Hawaiian...coconut trees and palm trees all around, with the waiters in floral print shirts! Wah. Ming Tien there is like... I dunno, a foodcourt night spot. There was house music booming out from the Heineken/Carlsberg/Tiger/whatever stall near where we were... and fascinatingly, there were two Carlsberg girls walking around with a guy who was carrying a flat panel monitor on his back le! Yeah, you read right, a 15" LCD flat panel monitor... they were promoting Carlsberg merchandise, me thinks.

Can you believe - I ate again?! It must be the PMS + hyperness + end of semester joy (I'm digressing here, but last sem, once I handed up everything, it was off to 1U with Jac and Liz for a shopping plus EATING session at Fish & Co. where I stuffed myself as well!). I had a Portuguese grilled fish... 3 slices... RM10. Which means I paid around RM22 for my dinner/supper. RM11ish for BK..and the grilled fish... not including the watermelon medium drink I had.

Yes! Carol stuffed herself today!

Actually I feel very nauseated at the idea of food now... the thought of the BK-grilled fish sitting in my stomach now...lol..

Eh don't get me wrong ah.. all these spending is very rare indeed! My dinners usually don't go above RM6 one...

Anyway, I was super-hyper la! I was yakking yakking yakking non-stop.. talking about goodness-knows-what.. Then laughing about dumb things, goodness...

Conked out on the way back. My highs don't last that long okay.

Leaving via Uncle Taxi for Pudu with Chun Wen tomorrow at 9am. Hope to catch an early bus to Segamat.. where I cn disturb Bee Sean, teehee. And eat Bak Kut Teh - urgh, okay, no more food talk...

Will be gone for around 4-5 days, coming back in time for practice on Thursday, and to celebrate Ally Ka Che's bday on Friday...or whatever day...

Don't miss me too much while I'm gone, heh. ;)

Going back upstairs with Aaron who's going to help me install Need For Speed! Hah! Shower, Pack, and GAME.... oh, okay, QT needed as well.. but man, I really feel like racing today. Then sleep. Or can't wake up tomorrow ma die?

I know I sound super-hyper.. but heh! Don't mind me! And don't mind the numerous exclamation marks! Nah!!!! Lol...teehee...off now. :D

2005-12-02T22:01:00.000+08:00

Got this of Hejin's blog. A 15-yr old who writes okay. :)

Anyway, you're supposed to bold the things that apply to you.

i have a cell phone.
i have friends that use me. - actually, they prolly don't, just that maybe sometimes I feel that way.
i am an only child.
i love dangly earrings.
i love cold weather.
i'm obsessed with the computer.
i have shot a gun before.
i can't live without music.
i have no tolerance of ignorant people.
i have ridden on a motorcycle before.
i'll be in this town forever.
i've been to 5 other countries.
i get annoyed easily.
i eventually want kids.
i have neat handwriting.
i have more than a few horrible memories.
i am addicted to chocolate.
i am an atheist.
i love airplane rides.
i love taking pictures.
i hate people who are fake.
i can be mean when i want to.
my parents care about my grades.
one of my best friends is a girl.
i have way too many wallets.
i'm obsessed with lip gloss.
i am easy to talk to.
i would never eat raw fish.
i cry easily.
i hate when people are late.
i procrastinate.
i love winter.
i have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
i love to sleep.
i wish i were smarter.
i'm afraid of flying.
i hate drama.
i bite my nails.
i have been on an 8 hour drive.
i never fight with my parents.
i love the beach.
i have never had the chicken pox.
i have gone out in public in my pajamas. - actually just grocery store downstairs, that count?
i can't control my emotions.
i have a best friend.
i have moved more than once.
i truly love my friends.
i have braces.
i have never broken a bone.
i hate my computer.
i love girls that play the drums.
i state the obvious.
i'm a happy person.
i love to dance.
i love to sing.
i love cleaning my room.
i tend to get jealous very easily.
i love cute underwear.
i love night better than day.
i don't like to study for tests.
i have been on the phone for over 5 hours.
i am too forgiving.
i have horrible sense of direction.
i miss elementary school.
i'm a daddy's boy.
i love the color pink.
i love to sew.
my eye color changes.
i should see a therapist.
i played on a girls sports team.
i become stressed easily.
i hate/detest liars.
i love the smell of rain.
i love my family.
i hate needles.
i am a perfectionist.
i always wanted to learn to play the drums.
i hate the feeling of failure.
i have friends in other countries.
i know how to cook.
i can be quite selfish.
at times, i still act like a little kid.
i have food allergies.
i love to read.
i wish i were more motivated for school.
i love getting stuff in the mail.
i have problems with letting go of old feelings.
i hate being alone.
i love summer.
i love the weekends.
i love black eyeliner.
i think Iâ€™m a looker.
i type with one hand.
i live in a one story house.
i wear make-up.
i have never rode on an underground subway.
i can't swim.
i have bad memories.
i go to church.
i sing in the shower.
i hate cheerleaders.
i usually get what i want.
i have been on stage before.
i love roller coasters.
no one knows my full story of my life.
i am close to my parents.
i don't have a curfew.

Teehee.

2005-12-02T19:54:00.000+08:00

I am hungry. And I am waiting for Lizzie to come back from IOI with my shredded chicken noodles from Esquire Kitchen.

*Stomach growls hungrily at the thought*

I don't know how I could have forgotten to mention this, but I did anyway, I'm going to make up for it. :P

Lizzie bought me Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Sykes for my birthday le!!!!!! :D

Plum Sykes is...a socialite / contributor to US Vogue... so when I first saw her book in Popular not too long ago, I picked it up, read the first few pages and couldn't stop raving about it. So the smart girl decided to put an end to my misery by buying the book for me, lol... :)

It is a very nice book! Go buy it! Typical chick lit la, but still very nice! Especially if you're interested in the inner workings of the New York fashion / socialite world.

Anyway. Semester is O.F.F.I.C.I.A.L.L.Y over with the handing up of my assignment to my Textiles lecturer. Oh, I know, my dreams of a GPA of 3.5 and above this semester just might as well crash and burn now, but with all that's been happening? Can pass already happy okay. But not PX la please... Got loads of hope against all hopes for Bs.

I can now officialy sleep in...sleep late...and play the Very Addictive Need For Speed Most Wanted that I loaned from Max. As well as the Equally Addictive The Sims 2 which I have delayed installing until now that I loaned from Aaron. And watch multiple episodes of The Simpsons! (Courtesy of Aaron-boy again) Watch movies - both pirated and non-pirated! Harry Potter, that's right! :D

Heh. So I am obviously very happy that I don't need to set foot in the college for a while...

I'm also filling in the visa application form for visiting the US as a tourist. Nothing's confirmed yet, but I just might be heading for LA for a couple of days next year with my family. I hope it works out..... don't know what the family finances are like, but I'll settle for New Zealand if the States plans fall through... I told my dad that as long as my passport gets stamped, my bum gets a rash from sitting too long, and I get to eat at least 2 meals on board the plane, I'm more than happy. :) Not asking too much la hor?

Anyway, tomorrow's still going to be a typical Saturday, what with a YOF meeting, then practice for SNL etc. So no chance just yet to do the sleep-in thing... And then gotta back for Segamat. I can't believe today is Friday. It feels so...unFriday la.

On a sadder note, it's hard to believe how quickly two weeks have passed since my grandma's passing. Life is so short.

2005-12-01T17:53:00.000+08:00

I am very happy! Because I handed up all my assignments already! And the lecturers accepted them all! Teehee!!!!!

After slaving away, not knowing night and day for more than a week, I am (more or less) FREE!!!

Okay, next agenda, clean up house.

Lizzie has been amazingly tolerant about what I've made our gorgeous new house into - a tornado-stricken area. During the peak of this afternoon's pre-submission frantics, I messaged her this:

The house is a royal mess. Please don't freak out when you get home.

She said as long as I faster faster clean up (said in a threatening way), it was okay. Heh.

Anyway. I understand that I have not been blogging for some time (loads of work, previous post was ranty), so I will blog happy stuff today! Like how my birthday went last week! Heh.

I arrived back in KL around 10+pm, and rushed off to church for Chinese practice. Yeah, from the airport to ECF. :/ Arrived, hopped off, and left the guys (prearranged d) to help me take my stuff. Including a chair I brought over. That's right, a chair. A nice, maroon-coloured swivel chair imported all the way from my house in Kuching okay!

*Snorts with laughter*

But anyway I'm digressing.

Got a nice Happy Bday sung to me 10minutes before midnight (they read the clock wrongly :P) by Ally, Ade, Chua, Tefo, Nic... and a bunch of other people who were still hanging around church then. Heh.

Judy called from her place to sign me Happy Bday together with Bern, Sewei and I dunno who. :)

Then later around 1+am.... Max, Chiam, Bee Sean, Faith, Aaron, BadBoyJoe, Roy etc came over to my place with some extremely strange things, the photos of which I will post up later....

1. A bunch of notes from Roy and a couple others, stuck on mounting board (which proves we're art students) with (huh?) biscuits stuck on with UHU. Strange. :P

2. A wurvely, lovely bag from Chiamie.... sewn by her la, of course! It's gorgeous!

3. Bee Sean and Faith were mean. They stuffed a Vincci box full of newspaper...wrapped it with more newspaper, and made me rip it open to find... a note that said I'd been punk'd. Then they made me repeat the actions with another box, but this time it had two pairs of lovely earrings in it! Heh. But I still had an entire torn-up edition of The Star lying on my living room floor thanks to them..

Then we played dumb games, talked laugh...and acted stupid. I didn't get thrown into the pool! Hurrah!

Then there was a Campus Champs meeting on Friday evening, where they also celebrated Chris (30Nov) and my (that day) birthday! :D So happy. :D I love being here for bdays, teehee.

Then celebrated Grace's birthday which was a day after mine...

Not to forget, of course, a very special birthday wish to BadBoyJoe... who was born on the same day as me. :) We rock. :P

Hrmmmm I suddenly ran out of inspiration and stuff to write. I guess the exhaustion of the past few days is catching up....

Bern, Liz, Aaron and I went to watch the Zathura mdnight show in Summit USJ yesterday. Wednesday = RM8 tickets so yay! (RM8 for the newer shows, RM6 for older I think. It was a decent show, I suppose, but I still prefer Jumanji.

On the way to Summit, Bern was going quite fast in his 318i while I sat on the nice leather seats wishing that I was the one with my foot on the accelerator... the power that car has is... *drools*....

Yes, yes, I am a speed-affociniado(sp?) now sue me for it. I want a nice power car next time too! :D

Just some quick updates, because I really don't know when's the next time I'll post.

1. Going down to Segamat to help Bee Sean in her Chinese youth camp. Max and Chua leaving on Friday. SNL needs me on Saturday (Deborah can't play either), so I have to go on Sunday. I hope Chun Wen goes on Sunday with me. Brave as I am, traipsing all over KL by myself, the one place I still don't want to go alone to is the ever-freaky Pudu Bus Station. You never know what will happen there.

Meanwhile, I'll be at Segamat for a good few days... for the camp, and maybe help some of the teens there in their studies, and not forgetting, of course, having the famous Segamat Bak Kut Teh... hehe...

2. I couldn't take the weirdness anymore and went to Bern to tell him about how confused and upset I was about the whole situation. He talked to The Guy, brought him up to my place, and we had a very awkward session trying to resolve things. Let's just say that this whole thing didn't just happen... many other things triggered the whole avoidance issue, which I do not want to discuss, plus it's all in the past.

I'm just glad he's gone and I'm here... gives us time to think about this whole thing, and hopefully, pick up the pieces and move on with life. Let's see how mature the both of us are in dealing with the issue, k?

Needless to say, the time when we had to talk was extremely difficult, and painful especially for me. I couldn't look at him properly, he didn't throw a single glance my way the whole time... I don't know about him, but I wish so hard things didn't have to be this way.... Can't we just be happy once again?

3. More happy stuff! ECF is having a cool Christmas production called 'The God You Are Looking For'. If I'm not mistaken, it'll be on the 23Dec (SNL), 24Dec (Sunday), and culminate in a Christmas celebration on the 25th. Yay! More enquiries email them!

Okay no more blabbing. Off to clean house before Lizzie comes back and smashes my head open with a (non-existent) pickaxe!

2005-11-29T01:10:00.000+08:00

I need to rant. Well, not exactly rant but I'm really unhappy la.

My suspicions were right all along. You did misunderstand me. Your overblown ego mistook my kindness and care as more-than-friends feelings for you, and boy, are you ever wrong.

I just was nicer to you because I thought we had a good thing going. You were one of those guys whom I could talk to without feeling weird. I thought that you were going to be one of those close guy friends, you know?

Apparently you didn't think so.

Can't you see that you are just a friend to me? I'm sorry, but my attentions are elsewhere. What you think I feel for you, I actually feel for someone else. Someone whom I think is more deserving of those emotions. You? I'm sorry, you don't qualify.

How are we going to repair this friendship? Tell me, how?

I can't even talk normally to you anymore, and I hate the change of direction this friendship has taken.

God is telling me to forgive you, and grace you etc but I am finding that so hard to do. Eventually I will need to do so, I know that, but as of now, I still can't find the strength to do that.

How come this never hapenned with my other guy friends ler you tell me?

Very upset la, need more strength and grace from God.

2005-11-24T11:18:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, some people are just so horribly bad, all you want to do is bring them on a, uh, visit to Jong's Crocodile Farm and leave them there. For good.

Maybe they would taste so bad, the crocs won't even want them. Pfft.

2005-11-24T00:30:00.000+08:00

I, as of today la, hereby declare that this evening was the best evening I have had for, I dunno, a week, maybe?

Teehee.

After a cutting cloth session in that place, haha, I rushed to pick Lyne and Sam from Sam's house for a dinner/supper session. After some time, we decided on bla bla bla.

We reached there after I went to withdraw money at an ATM. It really is quite a lovely place, very tastefully decorated, I must say. All these little stepping stones thing over a man-made pool with fishes inside. We decided to sit upstairs. After a long tiem debating over what to order, (cocktails? No cocktails? - Didn't know what to order, because I don't know the difference between tequila, sunrise,margharita, and a whole bunch of other names - cake? No cake? Tiramisu? Creme brulee? (Nah. too puny) Crab? No crab?) we finally chose our food.

I took the lamb shank, Lyne the grilled lamb, and Sam the ostrich rolls. With an iced cappucino, iced chocolate, and iced lime juice. Settled on a single tiramisu for dessert.

The waitress gave us this look as we ordered the food and said, 'Are you sure you want to order all that? The helping is quite large, you know?'

Oh boy was she ever right. When the food came, our eyes almost popped out of their sockets. For starters, the plate was huge. And the food on the plate was a lot. We gave each other the 'we're supposed to finish THIS?!' look... and decided to move to a larger table to accomodate the food. Heh.

Food was great... Lyne's grilled lamb was quite superb, Sam's ostrich rolls were... heh.. NICE with melted cheese which we jakun-ly thought was ostrich meat.. goodness, how dumb can three girls get? Heh. My lamb shank was nice too, though i preferred Lyne's order. :D

But anyway, tonight was fun not because of the food (though that did help), it was the COMPANY!

So us girls just laughed and talked and caught up with each other... then Jason Wong arrived. Jase...haha... When he arrived, Lyne was standing up cutting the meat while we were seated. He took one look at the humongous plates surrounding us, looked at Lyne cutting the meat, and without missing a beat, became Jason.

"Eh, you eating lunch and dinner izzit?"

Lyne wanted to strangle him then and there. How's that as a greeting for someone you haven't seen for nine months? Lol...!

So yalah, naturally with Jase in the conversation, we laughed more, teehee, considering that his favourite ~~joke~~ punching-bag was there. (Lyne, not me). He just attacked from all angles la...super jahat, that Jason, but it was all in good fun, so Lyne, I know you don't mind right? Teehee.

Somehow or other (with a little help from Jason), we managed to stomach all the food, drinks, plus that tiramisu which they nearly forgot. Paid the bill, RM92.50, which works out to about RM31.00 per person, which is quite reasonable, really. Lyne chiaed the tiramisu... :P

Thanks Lyne!

Left in quite a hurry, because Sam and I both had 12am curfews, and Sam's is stricter than mine. Jase wanted to drive, because apparently his dad still does not trust him with the cae (haha!) so I let him. :) I do. Trust him with my car, that is. :P Besides, it is, uh, tradition that Jase drive while I sit and talk. Ha!

Sent Sam back, then went via Jln Stapok (dark, scary, wouldn't have gone that way if it weren't Jase driving or if her weren't in the car) to Lyne's place.

In front of Lyne's house, Jase announced his return to the whole of Lyne's neighbourhood, Taman How Ching, in classic Jason-style:

"ARLYNE!!!!!! BYE BYE!!!!!! BYE ARLYNE!!!!!!!!!"

While I tried to hide my face, laugh, and whisper 'Go! Go! Go!!!!!'

Jase is a riot.

Anyway, he drove back to his house... and the whole way back we had a typical post-Lyne's house conversation: serious. Quite la. Quite serious. Not so much hee-hee-ha-ha stuff... I think I've mentioned it before, once upon a time. Those are the only times I can properly talk to him.. kind of. Heh. That's why I like those times.

So I'm back!

Will be waking up super-early tomorrow to pay a visit to my cemetery because it's the 7th day of my grandma's passing. After that, I'll ask me parents if we can pop by Kenyalang for breakfast (Max highly recommends the laksa there). Then I think I'll be having lunch with Feli and Jess. :P

Yay more fun! :)

I'm quite confirmed for an evening flight tomorrow. Will not make it for VC, but hopefully can make it for Chinese service prac. AND THEN. Midnight in KL! :) That's really where I want to be this year la.

I really, really want to thank all of you guys here in Kuching for making this week such a memorably fun one for me, despite all the sad circumstances that brought me home. The laughter I've enjoyed, the memories I've collected... they're wonderful!

You guys are wonderful.

I will be back... at the end of the year. And then we'll go out some more okay? Lyne, get to KL in December and I will make sure you have a great time. Feli, get there too! As for everyone else, I'll see you guys end of december... like I've mentioned before.

*Huggiessss!!!!!!*

2005-11-22T23:02:00.000+08:00

This is Daryl. He is a very talented animation student!

I've known Daryl since last year, but I only got to know him better this year, because he got saved and joined our spiritual family. :) Since then, I've really seen him change for the better... he really is quite a different character now! Not as moody and withdrawn as he used to be... :)

Anyway, Daryl's grandfather is really sick with lung cancer as is in the hospital now. Critical, according to Daryl just now. So do, do, pray for the healing and salvation of the grandfather ya! Especially the salvation part. :P

This is an artwork I requested from Daryl, based on the vision God gave me during The Contender camp. I need to remind myself of it, and not be trapped anymore.

The eagle symbolises me (and anyone who is in a similar situation, really). The chains are certain things that have been holding me down for a really long time. Look at how the eagle is sruggling. It wants to soar, soar high, but those nasty thick chains that go all the way into the ground are holding it back.

But look! The eagle finally decided that enough was enough. It looked towards the sky - towards God - and saw all that it was missing. It then realised also that the chains were not buried that deep, just that it wasn't trying hard enough to uproot the chains, furthermore, it wasn't counting on the strength of God.

It looked once more to the heavens, and gave one last fierce yank and - it was free! Throwing its head back, the eagle let out a cry of freedom and soared high into the sky - where it belonged. Free to fly, soar, and do all the things eagles are meant to do. No longer chained to the ground.

My quesion to you is this: Which eagle are you? Are you still struggling, or are you soaring high up in the skies?

2005-11-22T16:42:00.000+08:00

I woke up feeling really horrible today. My head was spinning... my stomach felt funny, and I seriously thought I was going to blackout any moment.

My mum brought me to see this lady who can help me do one of my garments. She's some lady who runs a dressmaking institute in Palm Road. So I let her do one of my garments... as in she help me la. I'll also be going in tomorrow for the whole day to work on the garment as well.

Okay, don't get me wrong here but the lady was annoying. Annoying. When I said I didn't know how to use the manual sewing machine (you know, the super-old use your feet to push ones) she laughed! And that's not all! She laughed because I don't know the technical sewing terms in Mandarin! OI! Hello! I happened to learn it in English okay, why you want to feng ci me for that ha?

Grrr.....

Never mind, tolerate. Teehee.

Then the other one, I'm fixing the skirt while a friend of my mum is fixing the top. Thank God. And that lady is a heck lot nicer also... sigh...

Talking to PC on MSN now. Pressure la. Haha... she's asking me my vision and what I want to contend for now! *Sweats blood* Heh. Wait a minute though, something doesn't feel right. Is she talking to the right Carol here? After all, there are four Carolyns in ECF wor! :/ Hrmm.....

Eh she didn't get it wrong.

I wanna go back to KL asap! I don't want to miss out on amymore than I should! Plus PC just mentioned she's gonna be preaching this week (hrmm. Another heart-stabbing, thought-provoking message, I'm sure) so that's going to be so cool. :(

Okay la. Enough. Need to do base skirt. :) *hugs*

2005-11-21T23:03:00.000+08:00

Ah well I'm back la. As in back to the Internet. Not KL.

Everything's been done, the funeral has been conducted, my grandma's officially buried somewhere near 7th Mile (The Anglican Cemetery there), and we are officially (trying to) move on with life.

I'm moving la. That's for sure. Some other people, like, my, uh, aunty, erms, not so much la. But it's okay.

I met up with cousins I've not seen, seen relatives I didn't know existed, basically it was good la. We reminisced, and obviously cried la. I did, and it was only at the funeral that I did. Before that I didn't and I bet people thought I was made of stone of something. Eh, excuse me, I cried buckets in KL already okay. When I got the news, in college, on the way home, while watching the Miracle Box...

Grandma would want us to move on with life! And she definitely wouldn't kick up a big hoo-ha over whether my cousin's shirt was green or yellow. Unlike some other people la.

It was very much GREEN, by the way. *Rolls eyes*

Anyway. There are two very special people I want to thank! *Big cheesy grin*

**Drumroll please**

FELI AND JESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These two ultra-lovely people (oh I know, your toenails are blushing..) came to the wake at my grandma's place and entertained me for a good while there. It was definitely a typical Feli-Jess-Carol conversation i.e. loads of rubbish la but it was GOOD rubbish! You know, like biodegradable rubbish. It doesn't harm the environment! :p And we went out for a McDonald's dinner today... after a lot of debating over where to go... tsks.. heh.

Oh, Jase is back in Kuching. So we went out for a laksa breakfast today. To Feli and Jess: Do Not Judge A Laksa By Its Prawns (their saying)... hrmm, you just might have a point there. They gave me puny prawns today... and only three! Lousy.

But I'm digressing. Anyway. I woke up late... Jase had to call me! Tsks. So after the morning blah I picked him up and went to Golden Arch. A normal Jase-Carol get-together la. Talking, talking... rubbish... talking... catching up... being teased incessantly... talking... It was good. It's been too long. :) And Jase lost weight, therefore his already girly features were enhanced. :D So pretty!

*vomits blood*

Teehee.

Visited Pizza Junction with my family and cousins today. *Gives a huge thumbs-up* VERY NICE!!!! I like it! The thin-crust pizza was nice! :D

Can you believe I went for McDonald's again after that? I can feel my arteries clogging up and my cholesterol level zooming up....

Kuching is bad for my health. Heh.

Mmm. A big CONGRATS and a pre-CONGRATS to the Form 6 students on their state of liberty! Haha! You guys have been chained up for so long, relish your freedom! :D

Going back to KL latest by Thursday. There's Vision Casting that day, and on Friday there's a Campus Champs meeting. Plus it is a very speshul day for BadBoyJoe and I, lol. So yealah. I wanna be in KL for that....

By the way, I think the New Zealand trip is cancelled... for this year. My parents are not keen on going after all that's happened, and plus they don't really want people to talk too much la. I kind of understand, some more the date we're scheduled to be in Kiwi Land coincides with the one-month anniversary of my grandma's passing. Therefore...

But then right, we just might be there for CNY, hurray! And that's also because my parents don't want to have CNY here (plus some don't-celebrate-CNY-after-a-death-in-the-family ~~rubbish~~ thing) so we would most prolly be in NZ then. The tickets must be used by March.

I asked my mum if she could change my ticket for Melbourne..or OUR tickets for Melbourne so I can be at the PlanetShakers Conference. Heh. But cannot. :( So New Zealand it is!

Don't want to bore you. Bye! :P

2005-11-18T18:38:00.000+08:00

John 19:30 ".....It is finished...."

And so it is.

My grandma went Home around 20minutes ago. I think I know the exact moment she left, cos I called my mum to ask her how grandma was doing. Five minutes later, I got The Call.

I'm flying back tomorrow morning, not tonight as I don't want to rush like last time. Bringing back my assigns. Let tailor do or whatever.

Lecturer don't want to postpone assessment, so GAH to them, the college etc. I'll just hand up my work.

Thanks for your prayers, everyone.

2005-11-18T14:32:00.000+08:00

It could well happen anytime, any moment now.

My dad called me up when it was almost noon. My grandma was in a worse way, he said. Deterioration. Huh, 'What does she mean,' you ask? Well, before this, she was in a critical but stable condition [Once again, whatever that means.], so I asked the doctor more. He said that she was 'stable' meaning that she wasn't deteriorating, but neitherwas her condition improving. Just there, you know?

But now. The word is deterioration. Grandma's on a ventilator, remember? The vent is pumping in 50% pure oxygen into her lungs, of which she's supposed to get 90% and above, the more the better. The machine beeps if it goes below 86%. When I was home, she was registering 90% and above quite consistently, except for a few worrying moments when it was in the 80s. My dad tells me she's consistently in the 80s now. Her heart rate shouldn't be more than 110, really, but dad says it's 120+ consiatently. All bad signs.

Dad also said that grandma was sleeping most of the time... unconscious.She was awake quite some when I was home! :(

So Dad called me and asked me to speak to grandma over the phone, just to let her hear me. So I talked to her with my limited command of Hakka, and then switched to Mandarin. I didn't know what to say, so I just asked her to stay strong, give praise to God and remember that He is always, always with her. Then my cousin who's in Kulai (I think) spoke to her through my uncle's phone.

If it does happen, I'm going to be flying home again lor. And if it happens before my Monday assessment, too bad lor. Bring back fabric and dump in tailor's shop, regardless of the price. No choice! I don't want also, but I do need to be prepared for that eventual possibility, right?

Going to college later to print out my computer work and also to buy infraboards so I can mount my computer work.

Finally moved out everything yesterday, so my new house is quite a mess at the moment. After I finished moving everything with the help of Chiam, Faith and BeeSean, it was like, 1am plus plus. Then I did my drafting work with a little help from Chiam... she left at 4+am. I continued my work till 7.30 when my eyes were dying and slept till 10am....

Sigh. I'm worried...... again.

Oh according to Lizzie, certain influential people in my life [read: leader] read this blog. Eh? WOI! SCARED OKAY! INTIMIDATING OKAY!

Not to say anything la, but.. it feels like... I dunno, feel vulnerable, I guess. Because this blog has my honest thoughts mah. Of course I got a more private one lar but that's my Diary, so fat chance of you getting your hands on it, people. Heh.

Erms, if *you* are one of them, hor, uh, well, I pretend I don't know you pretend you don't know also can? Unless it's really important? Okaylah, most of the time I don't mind it when people approach me about this... but... still SCARY LA, understand? :/

K, gotta run. Wonder where I'll be the next time I update. Thank God I have an open return ticket to Kuching.

2005-11-17T15:24:00.000+08:00

I'm back. And in college.

They are only giving me till Monday. That's good, I suppose, considering that everyone else only has till tomorrow, but I still wish I had more time. But blah, never mind.

But some lecturers, who have obviously been too stressed-out are refusing, for example, the very lovely Textile Studies lecturer.

"No, I don't care. Tomorrow's the last day. You students have been too lazy yakkity yakkity yak yak....."

Gah. Okay. Whatever. I can't give it to her tomorrow, that's for sure, so too bad. Maybe I'll just fail Textile Studies then. Gah, gah, gah.

Argh, super-duper the stressed out, irritated and annoyed... plus I haven't totally finished moving house yet... there's still 20%. I still have my wardrobe (that's bursting at its hinges) and all the various paperwork rubbish I've accumulated over the two years I've been in A-08-03.

I can't wait for this horrible situation to be over.....

Right now, I really ~~hate~~ detest the college. Not that I've ever loved it anyway. Stupid college.

2005-11-16T05:32:00.000+08:00

*Gives a shy smile*

I've been blogging for four years liaw leh. Can you believe it?

Want to watch me as I grow up... starting when I was 15 and extremely immature? Go there and read my archives. I just resurrected them.

I started at Diaryland around December 2001, moved to Multiply sometime at the beginning of last year, and ended up here not too long ago. Nah. Go poke around my history and have fun.

And see how I've changed... how the Potter's been moulding the clay....

Don't laugh too hard when you read them... you know you were where I was too, once upon a time. :D

2005-11-16T04:30:00.000+08:00

Will you.....

Allow me to go all emo for the moment? It's just this once, I promise. I seldom emo. Really. And even when I do, I do it alone. As extroverted as I may seem, I'm a very private person.

So I'll emo for a while, okay? Don't hold it against me, please. It's just that when I'm sitting alone here at home on my last night in Kuching, I get a chance to type things that I seldom type.

So it begins here:

Why do you always seem so cold? Or maybe it's me? I keep asking myself if it's worth it, whether what I'm feeling is worth it. I've spent seven freakin' years on one person before, I'm not going to repeat the same mistake. I see you being oh-so-happy-friendly with everyone, but the moment I open my mouth to talk to you, I feel like I'm talking to a rock instead. A cold, hard rock. Why?

You. We had something good going there for awhile. There was a real chance of a normal, happy friendship. But you obviously got the wrong ideas. And now things are different. Can they please go back to those happy, teasing days? I miss those days. I promise I wouldn't go all D on you anymore. I don't like being a D either.

I miss you. I miss being able to talk to you on the phone for many crazy hours about goodness-knows-what. I do get to talk to you now, but it's so infrequent I grab onto any opportunity and treasure it, because talking to you has become such a rarity. And God knows seeing you is even more so.

You have been a part of my memory since my childhood. I can hardly find one memory that does not have you and our good times. I loved all the planning, the talking, the going-outs... and I particularly remember that Christmas when you playfully tried the Santa hat on me. What treasured moments.

And you, my friend, have never failed to make me laugh, and how I thank God for you. Those tough moments right at the beginning of last year? If you weren't around to do your goofy stunts over the phone to make me laugh, I don't know where I'd be today.

You, definitely rank right up there as one of the most reliable and amazing people I know. Your patience with helping someone who was as blurred-out at the keyboards like me was... well... let's just say I don't think I could do it if I were you. And thank you so much for that.

Oh, I'm sure that a good few of you guys would more or less be able to figure out who these people are.... who knows, I could even be referring to you!

Let's make this work, shall we? Life definitely needs to be made a lot less complicated.

Platonic friendships can and do exist, believe it or not. I have proof! *Gives baby a hug* Heh.

*Note: Baby can't read this because * does not read blogs. Ha. Unless they belong to *certain* people.... or unless certain people tell that I mentioned *!

But anyways, whatever it is, I seriously, seriously, do miss you, my newly-mobile friend.

Okay, emo time over! *Big grin*

2005-11-16T04:09:00.000+08:00

I just saw this from the PostSecret site and it totally broke my heart.

Please, everyone out there, be smart. You don't want to have a secret like this one day.

I speak for myself.

2005-11-16T00:56:00.000+08:00

I just went to visit my grandma for the last time before I go back tomorrow. Leaving the hospital was hard, as I really didn't want it to be the last time I see her alive.

I held her hand and explained to her that I am going back tomorrow... I know she heard me, but she couldn't respond as the ventilator that is inserted into her trachea prevents her from talking.

The family photos that we finally got around to taking when I came back in August for my cousin's wedding are finally done. Grandma looks so healthy in there, yet I know how hard it was for her to walk up those 3 flights of stairs to the top floor of the studio.

Anyway. Don't want to talk too much sad stuff. No fun that way.

I shall, instead, write about how Sweet Home Alabama has gone somewhere to the top5 in my 'Favourite Movies' list.

*Swats away would-be-detractors* Oh, pfft to you guys. Don't give me all that 'Sweet Home Alabama is a crap romantic comedy with the most predictable storyline on earth.'

Who cares if it's a predictable storyline. I like predictable storylines. They are so ultra predictable yet I still tear when I watch it. That's why they work, silly. People still fall for it. Ever wondered how conmen can repeat the same con and still get away with it? It's the same here, sweethearts.

Oh, oh and Josh Lucas who acts as Jake in the show? Fuih. That is one hot guy. He, too, has made my hot guys list. Who wants the boring Andrew character when there is the drooliciously-sweet 'I wanna marry you so I can kiss you anytime I want' redneck Jake?

Admit it, girls, we all like the bad boys/unpredictable ones. The normal, boring guys? Pfft. Boring. No adventure at all. Goodness, he probably has his socks placed in alphabetical order and in the colours of the rainbow.

Boring, boring, boring. Someone like Andrew wouldn't sweep Melanie of her feet, in a designer wedding gown in a rain-soaked field somewhere in the boondocks of Alabama. And that adventure is what we girls crave.

If you're not one of them, you're BORING. Ha.

But of course, when we get down to it, said badboy has got to prove that he can be steady person as well. Sure, he can have his adventurous times, but eventually, girls still want steadiness in their life. Guys too. They drool over Pamela Anderson, but we all know that the one they really want to marry is JillNextDoor. Because JillNextDoor is the one who would have dinner ready on the table when BadBoy comes back. Pammy girl, on the otherhand, would be too busy having her manicure to bother with mediocre tasks like dinner. 'There's always Chinese takeout, honey!' while being careful to not let a single drop of Elizabeth Arden blood-red nail polish drip onto the table.

Mmm. Badboys. I like.

I think, that when I get back, I am going to go off to Speedy and Jusco to look for the original copy of Sweet Home Alabama. I like Reese Witherspoon too! I think she's really an American Sweetheart.

Anyway. Enough for today la. The next time I post, I'd most probably be in college or Roy/Aaron's place. Hurray.

2005-11-15T06:45:00.000+08:00

Update. I might, most probably might be going back to KL on Wednesday. Assessment day.

My maternal grandma's been coughing (she flew here from KL to see my paternal grandma), and my mum's worried. I can hardly blame her, with what's been going on, we're all paranoid and on the edge.

So we're considering a flight, for both my grandma and I to KL, noon, Wednesday. But it's not confirmed yet.

Correction. Possibly early morning, 9-ish am on a MAS flight. Open ticket, so we can go anytime we want.

Should I make mine a return, with coming back an open ticket as well? Just in case?

I finally came clean with my mum and explained the whole messed up assessment issue. And Lizzie told me that Aaron and BadBoyJoe suggested I write a letter to college explaining and asking them to extend my deadline. I drafted the letter already. Might slip in the medical diagnosis as well, to please the idiots in the college.

Did I mention that I absolutely loathe LUCT? That money-sucking college?

I suppose Wednesday it is then. Back to KL. Back to life, my second home..... and leaving a world of worries here. I know I'll be permanently on the edge when I'm there. You never know how things are going to happen.

Worried, worried, worried. But Lizzie keeps reminding me of Romans 8:28. Look at how the tables have turned. It used to be me going, 'Hey, Romans 8:28 okay?' to her.

I don't care if you're sick of hearing me say this, but thank God for spiritual family.

2005-11-15T01:17:00.000+08:00

This is going to be a brutally honest post. It is going to be fraught with emotion. If I were still my old self, it could well be full of swear words. But it won't be. Because I'm not my old self anymore. But still, raw emotion.

I am scared for my semester. There. I've said it. Are you satisfied yet, knowing that I might fail?

I hate failure. I really do. Right from that first moment I scored that 7 in my very first Add Maths test. Carol - failed!

Yes, maybe I looked upset in school. But heck, you don't know half the story. You don't know the beating my pride got when I realised that that was it. Carol has become a fail student. From a relatively good student to a fail student.

So then I bucked up. Because I was determined to not be labelled as a failure any longer. Hooray! SPM was not bad.

In those times, I had control. I knew that if I really tried, I could do it. But now?

I can't do zilch about the black hole my semester is headed to. I can't do ANYTHING about the fact that the frigging assessment is on Wednesday and I can't be there. Do you know how terrified I am about the prospect of failing? I AM SCARED, DARN IT!

You just might as well slap a bright neon sign on me that says 'Failure of FRD4'

I am doing my boards here, yes, but there's the whole issue of the sewing thing waiting for me in KL. I've missed out on 5 work days now, thats 120hours of work. Do you know what can be done in 120 hours? Failure can be averted, that's what.

I sat in one of the little courtyards in GH just now and just cried. The stress was just piling down on me. This is the first time I've cried since coming home. I didn't cry the day I got the phone call, as I was making the arrangements etc. I almost did, but I didn't.

I didn't cry when my dad did because he was scared of losing his mum. Neither did I when my sister cried.

But today. Today, with all the stress of my grandma becoming weaker and weaker, and the looming Wednesday deadline, I broke down. I completely broke down.

I hate failure. I can't stand it. And I hate the idiotic college which refuses to understand and allow me to have my assessment later on. What the heck is wrong with them. Oh, maybe if I give them some money they'll allow that to happen. After all, we are talking about money-sucking LUCT here, aren't we?

I have classmates who do zilch work every semester, but just because they go to the assessment with a garment they didn't sew themselves, they pass. I have people who've had their deadlines extended by TWO FRIKIN WEEKS and yet still did not opt to grab ahold of that chance and pass. They deserve to fail.

I don't.

I don't friking deserve to fail because I am a student who goes to all my classes, minus the few I've skipped...and my occasional lateness. I hand up my assignments on time. I do my work well.

But you see, those little things only constitute, oh say, 40% of the entire semester. Which in itself is NOT ENOUGH, darn it, because the other 60% comes from the assessment.

Meaning that I could be the largest slacker on earth for a good part of the semester, appear during assessment with a tailor-made garment, and a friend-done presentation board and still pass. Now which part of this makes sense to you?

PC is super strict about the people who serve in 1am. If our grades go anywhere below a C, poof, that's it. We're on probation. Cannot serve until we pull it up. How? How, you tell me?

Where am I going to show my face huh? Carol does not fail!

I am so scared, darn it. Why can't this just be a bad dream? And why at this time of my semester? God, why? Why did You choose to allow this to happen at this super-crucial part of my semester?

I just want to hide under my flowered comforter in my new room in Vista Prima and wish that all these were just a bad dream.

I want to be back in KL, where I feel like I belong. I want to be one of those lunatics who go for a yum cha session at 2am in the morning. I want to press the elevator button and tap my foot impatiently as the slowest elevator on earth arrives.

I want to be able to go over to Aaron's place and just hang out. Talking to the people there, being bullied, but hey, at least I'm happy.

I want to wait for the 21 Metrobus that takes 40minutes to complete a 10minute journey to church. I want to get off that bus, walk 300metres to the church, press that oh-so-familiar button and wave crazily at the security camera as I wait for them to buzz me in.

I want to walk into the church office, say hi to Sharon, PC, NaiYee, and Steven. Walk pass pastor's room and give him a wave. Kel's office.

Go into the sanctuary and fiddle around with the Karma. Tinkle on the Roland. Yak with Nai Chen at the soundbooth.

Jump around during SNL, cheer during the word. Socialise with people before heading off for supper at Everyday. Coming home, and watching a little TV, yak with Lizzie before settling down for a night's work.

In short, I want to be anywhere but here.

God grant me the strength.....

2005-11-14T17:06:00.000+08:00

So I was just scouting around when I came across this BBC personality test thing. Being the extremely inquisitive person that I am, I TOOK THE TEST! (So what else is new, huh? Haha..) And below...are the results!

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Tadah!!!!!

Results
Your answers suggest you are a Mentor

The four aspects that make up this personality type are:
Planner, Facts, Hearts and Extrovert
Summary of Mentors

* Warm and lively people who focus on the needs of others
* Bring people together and encourage group participation
* Think of themselves as intelligent, outgoing and sensitive
* May become overbearing in their quest for harmony

More about Mentors

Articulate, lively and enthusiastic, Mentors spend time and energy fostering relationships and encouraging personal growth in others. They are extremely sensitive to people's needs and play a central role in families and social groups.

Mentors have changed jobs least since leaving full-time education, according to a UK survey.

Mentors love to bring people together in harmony and enjoy busy, active lives. However, their warm nature may mean they have trouble making tough decisions that affect others negatively.

In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Mentors may focus too much on the needs of others. Under extreme stress, Mentors may be troubled by unusually critical thoughts about themselves and others.

Mentors readily see the best traits in others, but may have trouble recognizing personality faults.
Mentor Careers

Mentors are often drawn to jobs where they can help people develop their potential.

It's important to remember that no survey can predict personality type with 100 percent accuracy. Experts say that we should use personality type to better understand ourselves and others, but shouldn't feel restricted by our results.

Read about the 16 personality types from the What Am I like? Personality test.

Ekekeke.... Mentor, eh? Interesting banyak.

Just fyi, I completed my concept board already, with the help of Photoshop CS2! *Hugs Photoshop* I finally found a bundled pack with Photoshop CS2, Illustrator CS2 and InDesign CS2! I am so happy! And that was after I went to Kenyalang, Kuching Plaza, and Saberkas! I finally found it in a small shop in Saberkas, which only has 2 small baskets of software CDs, and I found it there! Haha!

Yalah. Obviously I am very happy la.

But then there's still the question on how to make my assessment.*broods*

NEVERMIND! I will not let crappy LUCT disturb my mood! Ha!

Off to do my mood board! :D

2005-11-13T01:46:00.000+08:00

Seeing that I have Streamyx at home, not sleepy just yet, I will talk.

I want to spearhead a campaign to wipe out all pesky bugs on the face of the earth. Like mosquitos, cockroaches and ~~pesky siblings or relatives~~ sandflies.

I have a grand total of 8 mosquito bites on me right now. That's more than I've received in an entire year. My house is mosquito-infested.

So I went around in a futile hunt for insecticide. Then I woke the helper up, and asked her to look in the dining room and kitchen for me. I didn't want to go in there because there are roaches there at night and I am mortally scared of those horrid creatures.

She only came up with a bottle of Shieldtox cockroach kill. I took it gladly, figuring that if it can kill those icky bugs, surely mosquitos would be susceptible to it!

I then went on a spraying spree...under the computer table, desk, all the little nooks and crannies. Forgetting that I needed to be at those very areas.

So now I'm breathing in cockroach spray. If I were a roach I'd be twitching around on the floor, upside down, waving my six icky legs frantically around in the air...

*Eeek* Okay. Enough cockroach talk. *Glances around warily*

Since the bites were super duper itchy, I rubbed my allergy cream on them, as well as propolis. Yah. The real thing. Not the golden gel you find in Colgate Propolis. Real propolis is slightly green, and smells likes Chinese medicine. So no, Lizzie, I don't think ants would want to eat them. Just because it comes from a beehive doesn't mean it's sweet okay. Just like how just because I'm such a wonderful person doesn't mean all the people in my family tree are, HAHA.

It's less itchy now, but I'll need to bathe in approximately 5 hours time to get the stink off.

Okay I ran out of things to ramble about. *Dabs more propolis on skin* Bet you're wishing I'll run back to KL soon so you wouldn't need to go through this kind of tortuous reading.

Or you could just press Alt-F4! :D

2005-11-12T22:50:00.000+08:00

Okay, I'm calmer now. I just needed to rant.

SNL, I miss you. People in KL, I miss you guys loads, and I wanna give all of you a huge HUG for the support you've been sending me across the South China Sea.

I want to be in any situation other than the one I have now - that of a very sick grandma, with a deadline on Wednesday looming over my head.

If you want me to be totally honest, this whole situation could very well screw up my entire semester, because the policy in LUCT is 'miss the assessment and fail the semester'.

But heck, if you're asking me to leave my family at this crucial moment so that I can fly back to KL.... you're jolly well mistaken. Fail me if you will. I don't mind repeating this semester, because I didn't learn much, anyway. Not when I'm in this crappy class with ultra-slow people.

Anyway. My uncle just called with the news that grandma has developed a fever. Crap. I should have mentioned it to the nurses earlier. Her forehead felt hot, but the temperature control (friggin' machine) claimed she had a normal temperature. Pfffttt.... Nothing beats the palm-against-forehead temperature test okay! ;)

Anyway, I kept vigil at the hospital yesterday night with my dad. And after a nap at home from 9+ till noon, I went around town in an effort to salvage my semester. Went back to the hospital around 4.00pm, and I've been there since then.

I've met a cousin sister whom I never knew existed, and seen relatives I've not seen for more than a decade. People have been popping out from all corners of the globe, or at least, SouthEast Asia to see my grandmother.

God, thank You so much for sustaining me through this trying time. I place everything into Your loving hands.

Making an early trip to the hospital tomorrow befoe going to church. After that, a trip downtown to salvage more of my semester. Then the hospital again.

I'm trying to download Illustrator CS from download.com, but it's taking an eternity to download the 151.1mb file. I should try to search for the software tomorrow when I'm in town.

Nothing much to write, about really. I've never seen my grandmother in the helpless state she's in at the moment. She's got so many tubes fed into her body, and the only reason she's still alive is because of the ventilator they've gotten her hooked up to. She lies there on the bed, only capable of blinking, nodding, shaking, and beating her hands against the bed when she's frustrated. And how it breaks my heart.

All those 'what if' and 'why didn't I' questions are plaguing me, but there really isn't much I can do about it, right? I wouldn't let those questions and guilt hold me hostage. Sure, there is more I could have done, perhaps, but I know I've done my best.

In this time when emotions run high and tempers are short, I need to be strong. Strong for my father who is distraught by the possibility of him losing his mother, strong for my mum who has been going to and fro the hospital while having to balance a busy schedule for her own work. Strong for my sister who's only 13 and slightly terrified at the prospect of her first close encounter with death in a while.

Meimei, sorry for not listening to you just now.

Lord, please grant me the strength that comes from you alone.

2005-11-12T21:53:00.000+08:00

It's amazing really, how when the whole family is trying to pull together to stay strong for my grandmother, how one, immature, idiotic character can be so selfish.

For goodness' sake, woman, you are at least 60 years old. You have been irresponsible, immature, selfish, rude, and conniving for the 19 years I've been alive. What on earth is your problem?

You are the eldest child in the family, yet you are the most irresponsible one. You are the one who always shirks responsibility, and yet has the gall to push the blame onto the shoulders of the very people who have borne your responsibility. And you also have the nerve to say that my father does not do enough for the family.

HELLO, EXCUSE ME?!!!! WTHECK ARE YOU IMPLYING?! My father has done more for the entire family than YOU have. He does all the stuff you don't want to do. He's the one who ferries my grandmother to and fro the hospital, clinic, waits on her, helps her. And he darned well has a family in us, for crying out loud. You, on the other hand, are a 60+ year old spinster who shirks her responsibility.

So I would advise you to please just shut that gap of yours, because we don't need any more of that poison that bursts forth from your mouth.

We don't need you aiming your poisoned barbs at my mum by saying she wants to hurt my father because you thought she brought laksa for my father. My mum brought chicken rice and a tau sa pau, for goodness sake. Did you bring anything, *insert your own choice of words here*?

NO.

Are you the one who's been staying in the hospital and keeping vigil over your ailing mother? NO. So don't you dare point fingers at anyone.

I ~~hate~~ strongly dislike your poisoned guts, woman, and I've been trying very hard to be nice and forgiving to you all these while.

God, when you said that about my mum this morning, I so felt like throwing you down from the 6th floor where my grandmother is warded down to the ground floor, right in front of the Accident and Emergency department.

And that would have been merciful on my part, you, because my evil self was whispering, 'Why A&E? Why not push her over so she falls right in front of the morgue?'

Shut that gap of yours woman, your words are not welcome.

*Note: I would write a nicer post when I'm in a calmer mood. And please do not use this post against me. Wait till you meet her. Oh, you'd want to do just that (and more), trust me.

Just fyi, my grandmother's still not doing too well. I'd say she's on borrowed time. It breaks my heart to see her in such suffering.

2005-11-11T00:10:00.000+08:00

Oh, yes. I am so this.

So why do you keep disappointing me by being so aloof? Or maybe I'm the one who's cold, that's why you react in the same manner.

Back to work.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Mmm. More stuff.

You're an Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges
If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story
You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses
A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

OH YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME......!!!!!!!

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Hmmmmmm.....

Your Kissing Purity Score: 97% Pure

You've hardly ever been kissed

But the kisses you've given are very missed

Kissing Purity Test

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

You Are a Little Scary

You've got a nice edge to you. Use it.

How Scary Are You?

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want.
And that's marriage - with the right person.
You're serious about settling down some time soon.
Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You tend to take more than give in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

OKAY CAROL! ENOUGH!

2005-11-10T22:05:00.000+08:00

Oh I forgot to add in that I am mildly frustrated as well because I can't even do my graphics assignments here.

My pen drive's with Lizzie, with all my Illustrator files inside. Not that actually having them here would do me any good - I have no Illustrator here in my home PC. And I'm used to Illustrator CS2! :D

So all I can settle is sourcing for tons and tons of images related to my designs on google so that I can go back and immediately put my concept board, mood board etc together.

I will not screw up this semester like the last. I don't care what it takes, it simply will not happen.

I want to hug you, you, you, and you but I can't because you guys are a million miles away........

Feli, your earphones have arrived.

Oh and yes, please forgive me if my entries start getting emo, jiwang, etc. It comes with the circumstances.

2005-11-10T19:44:00.000+08:00

I'm in Kuching. I got called back.

Nothing major has happened la, but the fact that my parents called me back shows that it might happen lor.

My grandma has been discharged from Normah (the ultra-super-uber-expensive private hospital) and has been tranferred to Sarawak General Hospital.

My family has forked out enough in medical bills to buy ~~you~~ me a car. And not just a kancil, mind you.

So I'm here, and I'm screwed because my assesment is next Wednesday and I don't know if I can make it back. And they definitely wouldn't assess me any other day, the idiots, because that's just the way LUCT works.

I'm missing a meeting with Tan Sri Orang Utan with the rest of the fashion department.

I'm not going to meet up with Jason Wong Yung Swee who is finally back in Malaysia.

Planetshakers? Nah. Not anymore. The outreach tomorrow is still happening though, and I'll be keeping them in prayer.

SNL this week, Sunday service....

But family comes first at the moment, obviously.

I want to thank God for my spiritual family. I love them so much.

Thanks to Max, who came over to be there for me though I never told him anything. He found out from BadBoyJoe.

Hugs to BadBoyJoe for driving me to the ERL station though he just woke up when I called him, despite him being late, and despite us getting lost for a while there in Putrajaya.

A forced hug to the unhuggable Lizzie, who's always been there for me. The girl is amazing.

Loads and loads of hugs and kisses to Sharon Tai Ka Che and Ally Ka Che for being who they are - my leaders.

I haven't been to the hospital yet to visit my grandma, it's past visiting hours, and my parents don't want my grandma to get overly excited, whatever that means. My mum told me that my grandmother was happy that she has been transferred to GH. I think she knows what a huge hole in our pockets Normah was burning. Plus, there wasn't much improvement there.

A lot of my relatives have come and gone. Relatives from KL and Singapore have popped down for a few days to visit my grandma (I think they suspect it was their last chance lor), and I just sent a mail to a relative in Canada on behalf of my mum.

And yes, a great big shout of THANKS goes to the love of my life, my Saviour, best friend and Father: God! He's been giving me so much strength to handle all this, I don't know where I'll be without Him.

God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.....

I love each and everyone of you guys out there. I love the ways you guys can make me smile even when I'm down, laugh when I want to cry, and just brighten up my days. I love the way we are Contenders, and contend for more of God.

I love the support I receive from all of you guys. The prayers that I've received. I love the fact I can just go downstairs at weird hours, knock on your doors, and have you guys up immediately to help me move... or fix up my table...

Message from BadBoyJoe: My pleasure. We are family. :)

Oh yes we are, indeed.

Will keep you guys posted. But please do continue to pray for my family. We're going to need all the strength God can give us - which will definitely be more than we'll EVER need! That's how great God is okay! :)

2005-11-08T01:10:00.000+08:00

I'm back!

First off, church camp was fantastic. But I wouldn't elaborate today. There's something else I must talk about.

After intercession for college just a while ago, Max and Chua were...like...attacked.

My discernment score super low wan. So I didn't sense anything...goodness...but aaron did. I was just sitting at the computer when suddenly Aaron started praying for both of them. They were like, rooted to the floor where they were sitting, kinda paralysed. Chua said that he had been like that for about 10mins...since intercession, and at one point, he couldn't hear anything. So we prayed. Rebuked.

Then Chua was fine, but not Max. More praying and rebuking. We started worshipping...City Harvest's "Come Holy Spirit" and 1a.m.'s "Holy Spirit Come". It was seriously a time of just praying, worshipping and rebuking.

It's hard to describe, really. But I guess what I want to say is that the spiritual realm is so real. The devil will use any small crack...small hole to gain a foothold in your life. So be on guard, everyone. Watch and pray, like what Jesus exhorted his disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Max is fine now, but we're still praying in Spirit. We can never stop praying, right?

2005-11-02T02:18:00.000+08:00

Flu has struck me again. :(

Anyway, The Contender camp is tomorrow (Thursday)! I am super-duper excited: My first church camp here + first time going to PD (I think I'll be disappointed haha) and many many other things!!!

Yalah, so I'm excited. Don't rain on my parade okay.

Three people will be crashing in my house tomorrow - Tepoho, Kefilwe (From Botswana, hence the interesting names) and Christy. They stay in Millenium, so need to crash here in VP so that we can all leave at 7.45am on Thursday as bright, happy campers! :D

Anyway, most of us in-the-final-stages-of-semester people from LUCT will be bringing our assignments with us. I doubt I'll get to use anyone's laptop, though, so I'm slaving away trying to finish my illustrations and reports. Then I'll bring the sewing stuff there to do.

Haha! I suppose you wouldn't be hearing anything from me from Thursday till Sunday then. Tell me to have fun, wouldn't you? ;)

Oh, by the way, Lizzie and I move next week! :D

2005-10-30T00:03:00.000+08:00

Carol awoke to the silence around her. She wearily glanced at the time on her handphone as she reflected on what had happened the night before. 9am, read her handphone. She groaned at the pain in her stomach. Oh. Goodness. It felt like someone or something was dancing the tango, the rhumba and the lambada all at once inside.

Stumbling inside her room, she collapsed onto her bed in a fit of pain. She frantically searched her memory, wondering what could have caused this excruciating pain. Somewhere deep inside her (vaguely) functioning memory, a mental freeze-frame of her lifting up a picnic table with Max and little pieces of dirt in her hand appeared.

Oh no. She had forgotten to wash her hands after that and had eaten chicken wings with her fingers. Some funky bacteria must have gotten into her stomach, and it was now obviously having the time of its life in there.

She groaned again as the pain grew in intensity. Reaching for her phone, she messaged Ade to tell him that she would most probably be late for 1am youth meeting as she was, well, practically invalid at that moment.

After 20 minutes, she finally felt human enough to weakly manouevre herself to the bathroom to wash up, after which she popped some chinese stomach pain pills, washed down with a few cups of water. After getting dressed, she walked slowly to catch the bus to church.

Aboard the bus, she groaned as she realised she had forgotten to take something into account - motion sickness. Carol was very prone to bouts of motion sickness aboard the bus, which was hardly surprising because Metrobus drivers had this annoying tendency of thinking that they were potential F1 - Bus Grand Prix drivers.

'Hold it in,' she told herself, forcing whatever was in her stomach to stay where it was. But alas, it was not to be, she leant over to face the floor as the water she had drunk earlier (that now tasted of Chinese medicine) came gushing out.

'Gross!' she thought as she frantically searched for a piece of tissue. Upon finding a couple of pieces and wiping her face, she leant back on the seat, closed her eyes, and willed everything else to stay down.

But you see right, motion sickness is not something you can play with. Within 10 minutes, she was puking out more clear water.

A shadow loomed over her and she heard a voice boom 'Eh amoi, kalau nak muntah turun sini!' It was the bus conductor. Oh, how embarassing. Now everyone on the bus knew she had thrown up.

'Sorry, sorry. Nak turun dah,' she managed to say weakly. He cast her an evil look as he walked away.

At her stop, she stumbled off the bus and started walking the 300meters more it would take for her to reach the church. 10 steps into her journey, she squatted down beside the grass, and the last of her 3cups of water came out. Groaning, she continued her very long walk to church.

And slept when she reached there.

At 3pm, she went with Ade, Vincent, and Melanie (Kel's daughter) to Tesco. If it were not for the fact that she had to withdraw money to pay Kel for 1am academy, she would have much preferred to snooze away her pain.

Carol stood in line to the ATM and tried to dismiss the strange dizziness she felt. The moment it was her turn, she tried to key in her details as quickly as possible, leaning her head against the machine as the world threatened to crash around her. When she got her money, she hurried towards the toilet nearby as the shops seemed to sway and swirl around her. Inside the toilet, she leant over the basin and tried to vomit, but nothing came out. (As you remember, everything had come out). A nice concerned lady next to her asked if she was okay.

'Yeah, I'm fine,' she replied. 'Just some dizziness and stomachpain'
'Oh, do you need some Panadol?' enquired The Lady.
'It's okay... it's just some dizziness' she said weakly.
'Uh are you.....' the lady let her sentence trail off.

Was she what, wondered Carol. Oh goodness. Was the lady trying to ask if she was pregnant?! What an insane thought. Carol had never as much held a guy's hand THAT WAY before, much less anything more! If she hadn't been feeling so sick, she would have laughed her guts out.

Finally, the world settled around her. She made her way down to KFC where everyone else was. Ade, being the nice teddy bear that he was, forced her to eat a bun. Then they returned to church, and the long evening ahead.

In case you were wondering, Carol is feeling better now. Her stomach still disagrees with her, but it isn't as bad now. However, she suspects that she needs to buy Zentel to get rid of any potential tapeworms in her system. And yes, it's 1.00am. Carol needs to sleep. Goodnight, everyone. :)

2005-10-28T15:13:00.000+08:00

Nothing major has happened yet. And I'm thankful. We're still waiting to see if the new medication is having any effect on my grandma. Hopefully, all will be well.

"But in anything and everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of Christ, which transcends all known understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in the knowledge of Christ Jesus" - Philippians 4:6,7 (NIV)

Okay I don't know if I got the entire verse right. This is one of the verses I memorised from One2One, from the Prayer chapter. :P

Anyway. A little story below. I can't bring myself to put 'I' into the sentences, so I'll do this from a third person point of view, okay?

Carol sat in the multipurpose hall of ECF, feeling strangely detached from the things going on around her. It was Thursday, which was also 1am academy day. Though she smiled at everyone, cracked jokes and funny comments, she was also strangely quiet. She was very preoccupied with her thoughts, especially concerning her ailing grandmother.

Her phone beeped, signalling the arrival of a text message from her father. She grabbed her phone off the music stand and quickly scanned the message. 'Grandma sleeping most of the time. Occasionally opens eyes for a short time. Could hear and nod head.'

She set the phone down on the music stand as emotions came crashing down on her. Regret mixed with sadness. All her worry for her grandma, coupled with all that had been happening throughout the week and the coldness of certain people raged a storm in her heart. She stared blankly at the hall, her mind a million miles away as piano class continued around her.

Her phone beeped again. She unlocked the keypad and pressed 'Read'. As she read, her already overwhelming emotions threatened to overflow. It was the person who had caused her hurt over the past few weeks. (S)he had been extremely cold and unwelcome. Little efforts on her part to make things right had been useless. Now she read h(er/is) message, which was quite apologetic in tone. The person said that (s)he was sorry that (s)he had been so cold, there'd been lots of work, it wasn't that (s)he was unwilling etc.

Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. She took her phone and walked out of the hall as she searched for somewhere quiet where she could still herself and her emotions. The fellowship area? Nah, too many people. The library? Meeting. Finally, she walked into the office. Thankfully, it was quiet. No one except for a lone YA planning some games for the church camp was there.

Carol took a seat on the chair in front of the volunteer PC and proceeded to stare at her phone. She took several deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself down. Just as she thought it was working, her phone rang. It was her mother.

'Hi mummy,' she said.
'Hello girl. Where are you?' her mum replied.

Carol replied that she was in church having music practice and proceeded to ask her mum about her grandma's condition.

'Not too good,' her mum replied frankly. 'She's having difficulty breathing, and is on full oxygen intake right now. We don't know how effective the new medicine is yet. We need to wait a couple more days before the doctors can tell,'
'Okay..... what else?' asked Carol.
'Well, the doctor had a meeting with us yesterday. He told us very frankly about your grandma's condition and asked us for permission to put her on a ventilator if necessary, that is, if she has anymore trouble breathing. It costs RM3000 a day, you know,'
'Three thousand a day?!' Carol blurted out, a little too loudly. That was an insane amount!

She continued talking to her mum for a little longer. After a little bit more of updates and typical motherly advice, she hung up the phone as her emotions raged even more strongly within.

She wished she could be there at home in Kuching. How she could help if she were back, she had no idea, but hey, at least she was home right? At least she could be there right? Carol closed her eyes in a final effort to control herself.

But it was futile. The tears finally spilled out from under her closed eyelids. Silent sobs that racked her body. Tears that seemed neverending. She sobbed silently for what seemed like forever as the YA respectfully and tactfully didn't ask her anything.

Finally, she managed to still herself. She walked over to PC's desk and pulled a couple pieces of tissue from the tissue box and wiped her tears away. Time to get back to class, she decided.

Even as she walked back into the hall and faced the questioning eyes of all those who had noticed her sudden and lengthy departure, her emotions overwhelmed her once again and the tears spilled out. She scurried to a chair in a lonely corner as Kel asked her if she could still play. She shook her head and mouthed 'later'.

After a few rounds, there was no more escaping. She stilled herself (for good, this time), walked over to the piano and played under the watchful eyes of Kel.

Somehow, miraculously, the rest of the night went okay though she was still extraordinarily silent. She completed the class and went for Chinese service music practice. At last, she headed home, both physically and emotionally exhausted.

The message from the person still sat in her phone. However, this time, unlike the other times, she didn't feel compelled to reply with a forgiving message. Not yet. She wasn't ready yet. But she would, the next day, perhaps. After all, Carol was not the kind to hold on to grudges for so long. It wasn't worth it. Besides, Carol knew that she had to learn to love sacrifically, after all.

2005-10-27T10:39:00.000+08:00

My paternal grandmother is sick. She's in the ICU of Normah. So don't be surprised if you see me really soon. (Yes, you too, Feli. Your earphones might be coming back under sad circumstances.)

I feel that over the past week, since I found out that she was ill, God has been preparing me for what could be the inevitable. The word I shared during Corporate Intercession from Psalm 23, the answer I never gave Ginny about what if a person dies though you've been praying for them....

But that doesn't make me any less scared. Not when I've been scared of death since I was a little girl.

It's better now. Because I've grown and matured, and I'm secure in the knowledge that death isn't the end of it all. If anything were to happen, I know that my grandma would be in heaven, free from all that wracking pain from arthritis and penumonia. That would be the best. Deep down inside, I'll rather have that happen than having her here, but in pain and suffering.

But my selfish human self doesn't want to let go. I've only - in a sense - reconciled with her and that side of the family around 5 years. Not enough time. The human in me doesn't want to accept the fact that in the end, death comes to us all whether we like it or not. It will happen.

I'm leaving my weekend open, and not making any firm commitments. I'm ready to fly back to Kuching at a moment's notice, regardless of cost.

Ally told me to know that God's in control and to focus on Him. I am. But I'm still scared. But thank God for her. That's what disciplers are for.

I'm steeling myself, bracing for that phone call which might come, summoning me home. I don't know how I'll take it then. I don't know what I'll be like on the plane. If it does happen, I don't know how I'd react.

But what I do know is this: Through all this, God will be my Rock, my Fortress, my Deliverer. My Shelter, strong tower, my ever present help in times of need. He will be with me...through it all.

2005-10-27T01:51:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be online. Really. I shouldn't be posting.

What I should be doing is this:

1. Slaving over my Computer Graphics assignment. It is 80% done and is due to be handed up on Friday. Illustrator has caused permanent damaged to my eyesight. Oh Illustrator, you horribly wonderful vector-based programme...

2. Thinking of a design for my batik. Which is due in 2 1/2 weeks. No ideas yet. Woot.

3. Slaving over my pattern for my designs. Pattern also belum habis, garments due in 2 1/2 weeks. Watch me die, people.

4. ~~Writing~~ Typing my journal on retail design based on DKNY Starhill Gallery and Isetan Lot 10. Progress: 0%

5. Completing my presentation boards for assessment. Progress: Refer to above.

Yalah. I'm having a great time. Weehee!!!

Right. I'm confirmed to be moving into the supposed 'penthouse' in Block A, 12th floor. It is a lovely, lovely unit as well, just semi-furnished, but Lizzie and I don't mind. It's going to cost 1k a month, not including electricity and stuff, so we really need to find someone else to take the single bedroom. The master is mine, and the twin Lizzie's.

Was thinking that if I can't find someone while I'm here who's willing to take the single bedroom, I'll find people from Kuching who are going over, heh. Trust me, Kuching people, you do not want to move the the boondocks that is called Pulau Meranti.

We'll be moving in on 9th November. My rent expires on 10th Nov, and hers 9th. So it'll be pretty hectic, what with just coming back from church camp, and with all the assigns due. Oh well. What needs to be done needs to be done.

It's at times like these that I'm super-glad that I know wonderful people who can be called on to help. Moving stuff? Not a problem! There's the CSC (Christian Service Centre a.k.a Max's house) on the first floor. The *coughs hard* strong guys will do the lifting and carrying. *Keels over laughing*

Thanks guys. :)

The landlady's a nice person who's married with an adorable 4-yr old son. Met her just now with Lizzie.

So anyway. Back to supposed work for me. Aiyah. Need to push self. *Prods self* Move, Carol, move! :P

2005-10-24T00:21:00.000+08:00

I ended up going for dinner with Max and BadBoyJoe. And I'm glad I did that.

We had a great time eating, talking and most importantly, fellowshipping.

You're wondering, 'Hah? Fellowshipping? Everytime we go out to eat with friends kan fellowshipping?'

Well dear people, I've a piece of news for you: Fellowshipping means when you go out with people, you talk about God-stuff. Not the newest movie out or this-guy-that-girl etc. Nope, not even about assignments. :P

We chatted over what a friend of Joe should do considering she just got saved, yet her family members insist that she do the whole 'pai-pai' joss-sticks thing. They are threatening some stuff lah, so we were just wondering what was the best thing to do.

Then asked Joe what he would do if he were put in a similar situation. I wouldn't tell you what we thought was the best, because it's all really about a matter of personal conviction. I don't want to start a 'no-you-shouldn't-do-that-you-should-do-this-instead' debate. Nah...

Asked Joe what finally made him decide to accept Christ and heard bits and parts of an interestingly long-winded testimony (He needs to learn to cut down. Testimonies maximum should be 5mins long. Otherwise people get bored how? Get to the point! Teehee) about his journey and stuff like that. Go Joe! :D

Then asked Max on how he came to know Christ (Christmas played a big part haha) then we talked about how changed lives are really the best testimony ever!

So yealah. Our dinner was about 1 1/2 hours long but it was super-fruitful. I truly believe that we were all strengthened and edified by it.

Bumped into Anson and Yanyan (2 China internationals) who happen to be my oikos. So started talking to Yanyan while Max and Joe talked to Anson. Hope we can bring them to church either on Saturday for SNL or on Sunday for Chinese service. See first.

It was good. Really really good. I have not spent time with God yet though, however I could feel Him talking to me just now. I really need to learn to deal with my emotions.

This year has been a year full of challenges, mountains and valleys. I've gone through some of my darkest and driest times, and experienced amazing victory, especially when I decided to surrender all to God. He's the best, really.

He's dealing with me in so many areas. Teaching me to surrender more to Him. Most of the time, I can feel Him whispering, 'Stop struggling, sweetheart. Give it all to me. Don't you trust me enough to know I want the best for you? Have I not proved myself over and over again to you?'

It's not easy to give it all to Him - Lordship is a continuous process after all - but I'm learning. With His guidance, and by always drawing strength from His Word, I know I can do it. God never disappoints.

I look forward to the 2 months left. It's going to be really hectic, what with projects to be handed up, camps, family vacation and Christmas. However, I sincerely trust that God's gonna use this time to further reveal himself to me and teach me more about Him. The Contender ECF Church Camp for one, would definitely be an amazing time!

I trust God. Full stop. I just need to learn to trust Him more. But by His grace, I will come out victorious. I know it! :)

2005-10-23T17:28:00.000+08:00

Okay. I've lots of thought pouring through my head at the moment, so bear with me. Bear with this. It's going to a ranty, thoughtful post fraught with wonderings and slight insecurities. But don't be worried by it. I'll be fine. God always sees to that. It's just that I need to get this off my chest.

I was talking to Jason, one of the lawyers in my church yesterday as he was arranging the chairs. I was taking a break from piano practice and was holding a copy of Deception Point as I talked to him. We talked about many things, my lawyer dreams, a legal situation etc.

He asked me why I wanted be a lawyer, and I gave him my reasons. We talked a bit more, then he suddenly made this statement:

'Yeah, you seem like the type who likes to help people. You delight in helping people.'

I smiled and said,'Yeah. I do. But sometimes it's not good.'

After the conversation, I found myself thinking over his statement and my reply to it. It is true you know. I do love to help people. I delight in helping them, seeing them smile, knowing that I made that little of an impact in their lives.

However it's harmful. You see, over the course of time, I've seen how some people treat me when they need my help, and how the would when they don't. I've seen how easily they forget what I've done.

And I feel deeply hurt by it.

Oh I understand that I cant expect everyone to be like I am, and how I would react to certain situations etc. But I do at least expect a shred of decency and courtesy. Is that too much to ask?

I'm not asking for BaskinRobbins or Haegan Dazs. Im just wondering if you could have dinner with me because I've no one to have dinner with me tonight. Is that too much to ask?

I do feel underappreciated sometimes. It's just one of those things I need to overcome, really. I look around and I see people who do so many things for others knowing that people aren't probably going to be that thankful for them, but still doing it anyway. Why? Because they love those people.

PC loves us with all her heart. That's why she goes to such lengths to ensure that the ROCK Zone and SNL runs smoothly. Young people are her passion. She lives Kingdom, breathes Kingdom, sleeps Kingdom and eats Kingdom. I'm serious. And that's why she's impacted and shaped so many lives, though her bluntness has caused her to be misundertood. But we love her anyway, because of who she is.

Sharon takes care of so many people, and she learns from PC as well. She's so thoughtful, always buying little gifts for us. The shirt I wore for the show? She bought it for me, as well as countless other things. And she always takes time out for us. Dropping in on discipleship to see how we're doing. Encouraging us.

Ally. Just those four-letters alone symbolise a person who's guided me through so much these past two years. Putting up with me when I was still this arrogant I-think-I-know-it-all girl new to KL. Exhorting me, encouraging me. She's done so much.

And yet, so many of us don't appreciate them enough.

So who am I to expect and want others to appreciate me? I need to first learn to appreciate my leaders even more. I need to learn to love others more than I love myself, because that's what Christ did. Love is a powerful driving force. I'm learning that. That's why I do what I do. But the love I have now is not enough, because it is not yet the kind of sacrificial love that gives and expects nothing in return. That kind of love I need to learn from the one who is Love himself.

Sigh. I had a million and one things to say about this but it's evaporated from my mind. Which is just as well. Too much and the Devil would be hopping around my mind like a fiendish, hyperactive child on too much candy. And I will not let that happen.

I've still got lots of issues to settle with God. Lots of things to get out of in my bid to become who God wants me to be. Emotions to deal with. Thoughts to put aside. Changes in mindset.

I truly, truly, want to be able be who God wants me to be. I will do whatever it takes to do so. It might be painful, but the end result is worth it. A pruned rosebush always bears forth more beautiful roses.

Thoughts and emotions are still flooding my being at the moment. In times like this, I know that I need to get back to my room and have a good session with God and allow Him to speak into my life.

Would you breathe new life...breathe new life in me...

2005-10-22T00:54:00.000+08:00

Oh, sorry guys, I set the access for the cheongsam pictures incorrectly.

The problem's been rectified already, so you can head over there now. Heh.

Just had a tiring day, going down to KL early in the morning to do research in Starhill and Isetan Lot 10. Met up with Joanne (hugs!) who was in Low Yat with her bf and some other guys. Bought Feli's earphones thingy. A print cartridge for Lizzie. Nothing for moi.

Got stood up by my lovely cousin who decided that it was more important to get his hair cut than see me. Lousy buffalo.

Walked around, then left for Megamall to wait for Bern to pick Aaron and I up. Took the chance to pop into Kamdar to buy soft net. Bumped into Gerardine and Kelvern who were on a date. Teehee. >.-

Rushed to church for outreach...my friend came! Painted t-shirts which conveyed a message on what life means to us. I will post pictures of that too!

Dinner at pastor's place, then came back home. Discipleship with girls after a quick shower. Then now la.

Going to watch a movie later in my place - a Hong Kong evangelical movie called Life is a Miracle. It should be great! THe previous one I watched - The Miracle Box was superb.

Okay...am off. Lotsa stuff to do, and today (Saturday) will be another busy day. Normal lah. Heh.

Ta!!!!!!

2005-10-20T15:22:00.000+08:00

I promised pictures, and here they are. :)

1Day 1God - the best event of the year!

I wanted to post up the cheongsam pictures in Multiply as well, but I have got a college server here which is really cacat, so I couldn't. My 3rd time trying summore! So how?

Eh wait a minute. I just checked my Multiply and it's there! Hooray! Ah therefore...

Cheongsam Fashion Show

Teaser picture:

I really, really hope that you'd enjoy the photos!

Anyway, I think that I'll be moving out of my current unit in Vista Prima soon. That's sad, really, because it's a beautiful unit. However, I don't really have much of a choice because the college wants to move those under their accommodation scheme away next July to what Sam would call 'the boondocks of all boondocks' - Pulau Meranti. Uh. Not going to move there. No public transport, no nothing, want me to die izzit? Heh. But the good news is that I'll most prolly be moving just a level below, to the 7th floor. Lizzie and I both really love Block A, and I'm in love with balconies, so mah just move to the same place la.

Thing is I'm wondering if I should take the master bedroom for myself. You know me la, I'm a packrat, I just amass stuff, you know what I mean? I really need the extra room la, haha, but then... the master bedroom only has this puny windows that doesn't allow much sunlight to come in! That's no fun. So... dunno la, heh.

Oh I just realised that I had, like, 4 las in that one paragraph. What terrible English. :D

Going to go check out the apartment later, by the way.

Just fyi, the end of semester is fast approaching. It's only about a month away. That's four weeks, me, 2 garments, 1 batik, 3 computer graphics, many presentation boards and 1 journal to complete. So wish me luck, and take note that I probably won't be updating frequently.

Not that I update that frequently as it is. ;)

Gotta run. Stomach is being mean to me. I need to use the toilet.

But you didn't need to know that, did you? :D

2005-10-18T01:59:00.000+08:00

1day 1God was the most amazing event ever!

It ranks right on top with some amazing youth camps I've attended. But what was cooler bout 1day was the fact that we didn't need a camp atmosphere to get 'hyped' up; not when we'd been preparing for it spiritually for a month. :P

I left for church super early on Saturday for a music practice session because I was on Nai Yee's team for the afternoon worship session. We had a practice from 11am+ till around 12.30pm when we had to stop because people were starting to arrive.

We started at 1pm. Two fast songs before PC spoke for awhile. She exhorted us in typical PC manner (her last sermon for SNL? Fuiyoh, keng chao. Take knife, stab through heart, twist it around, yank it out, calmly put it into her pocket, then gave us that gorgeous PC-smile and went 'I'm not scolding you guys ah!' Fui.)

Worshipped for a long, long time after PC spoke. It was an amazing session, really. We had this great time of coming before God again and putting Him first in everything.

I distinctly remember something PC said: 'It's a day for God today. So it's not 'God-help-me-with-this' day or 'God-I'm-so-sad' day, but rather it is a 'God, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO FOR YOU?' day!'

God Factor after that where we broke up into groups and went to different places to eat and discuss. We got the section on 'Jehovah Rohe' - The Lord is my shepherd. So we discussed about it over a Quarter Meal at Kenny Rogers Sunway Pyramid.

I was in Lai Kuan's group!

We decided to do a little skit thing on how the Lord is our good Shepherd, but some people just refuse to listen to the Shepherd's voice. It was great! But dunno how to explain la, haha.

Then we had a marathon 1a.m. concert! Can you imagine, 7.30pm till 12.30am? 1am rocks big time! Haha...it was just great! Obviously it wasn't the whole time la, it was broken up by a few skits and plays in between. But it was still amazing! Terence was busy, so Ade took over the drums and Neil from 1am youth (go Neil!) stood in for acoustic guitars. We had the maestro keyboard player, KG with the Karma and his lovely Yamaha synthesizer while Kel was, as usual, at the Triton. Everyone else sama saja. :)

This concert confirmed that PC's voice is really, really back! It's been worrying, kind of la, after she lost her voice post-album launch, but her faith's been sperb,and she's really, really been healed! I'm super glad, personally, because I'm a huge fan of her voice. Teehee.

Oh yes my, I must add that we had THREE salvations for our LUCT side. I am so, so, so glad because, well, they got saved la! Who's not happy? Even HEAVEN rejoices okay!

So let's see, who got welcomed into Christ's and ECF's family?

1. BadBoyJoe. Joe has been with us forEVER, but he's one of those who really need to know about something before they accept it. God doesn't disappoint, and he answers those who ask with a sincere heart. I'm so happy for Joe!

2. Kevin Indonesia. Teehee. I only met him Friday night when our PKL Outreach group went over to Bee Sean's place in Vista Millenium to play Mafia with a bunch of people. He was there! We got to know each other, he came...and the rest is history. Christ works in mysterious ways.

3. Arifin Indonesia. He came last week for SNL and was so amazed by it! Mafia again on Friday night, then 1Day 1God on Saturday was more than enough for him to see hat an AMAZING GOD we serve!

I am so, so happy at the salvations! However, I keep reminding myself that them getting saved is the easy part; getting them to be discipled and grow is the more challenging one. But by God's grace, we can do it!

I am so happy that our LUCT group is bearing more fruit! The girls side have 3 tiers already, while they have 2 tiers at the guys'. The tiers don't include our top ka che and tai lo Ally and Bern. :D

I promise pictures of 1Day! I have got some amazing amazing pictures, especially one superb one which has most of us LUCT students in it!

I pray so, so hard that the fire from this will not go out. All too often have I seen cases where groups get highafter a camp/wtv but then grow stagnant for awhile till the next 'big thing' hapens. It shouldn't be this way! But thank God we are doing okay here. It must be the discipleship and the culture here. Heh.

Ah I gotta run. I have not done my Purple Book and there's discipleship at 7.00pm tomorrow at church before Corporate Intercession! Eek.

No class later! But I've to do my pattern. I shall do it at home! I have an aversion towards going to college. Lol. I wonder why...

Oh on another note (sorry for this terribly long and complicated post, it's 2.30am after all, and I'm entitled to write in the Carol manner where everything's just jumbled up, thank you) I was at Sungai Wang today with Lizzie. I saw someone which I thought looked like my cousin Josiah...then came back and realised it prolly WAS him! What on earth is he doing working 8 hours selling handphones in Sungai Wang?! Haha must be the parents ask...keke...

Bought a USB hub in Low Yat...I love peripherals! I wanted to get the same Altec Lansing headphones I got for Feli but realised I don't need it at the moment. Btw, stop complaining about the colour, chabo! Haha.... you go down to Low Yat yourself next time la! 3 hours to and fro with bus okay! Teehee.

Oh and I touched the iPod nano. It is beyond beautiful. It is a super-sexy music player. Gorgeousness pod-ified. LOVELY! Someone please buy it for me! After all, it is *only* RM969 for a 2GB version! Nano nano nano!!!!!!!!

Okay okay I'll leave. Sorry for boring you to tears, but I just wasn't in the mood to think up anything that would entertain you. This post was more to entertain ME! :P

2005-10-13T14:31:00.000+08:00

Oh so apparently that entry didn't get eaten up! Haha...

On another note, I Not Stupid was a fantastic show. So Singaporean. Eh, don't laugh at me for only watching it now okay? :P

I have officially seen the original perpetrator of the quote: Terrigible horrigible Vegetable!

.....

Haha HI JASON WONG! :P

2005-10-13T14:00:00.000+08:00

I had a nice entry written up yesterday night while I was at Max's but the horrible Streamyx connection then ate it up. :(

I hate it when my entries get eaten up. But then who doesn't?

So anyway, I had my first (in a sense la) fashion show yesterday for my semester's cheongsam project.

It went good! Not that it was utterly spectacular or anything along those lines, but it wasn't bad for a bunch of first-time show planners okay? :D

Arystle was a fantastic model. Utterly professional in her poses and attitude. Not easy to find undiva-like models. And trust me, there are so models (yes, even if they're just college models) that are super high-maintainence. Those kind? Can die ah.

But Arys is quite a pro, plus she models for Faces magazine as well! She was super cooperative, came in for so many fittings and bore with an itchy neck for a reason I wouldn't elaborate on. :P

The whole atmosphere of a fashion show was...electric. The jitters beforehand when I was making final adjustments to the garment, doing her makeup and hair, waiting like mad for the show to please-just-begin-so-we-can-get-it-over-and-done-with.

Then when my model walked out with your garment on, I just felt so satisfied and happy though I know where all the (hidden) flaws of the garment were. Hee.

And for the finale when everyone walks out, and I walked one round with Arystle and the whole sensation was just...wow. All the jitters etc just left me as I walked with confidence, smiling at Arystle while complimenting her on a job well done and at the spectators.

Then when we reached the lecturers and I took my bow....

All the picture sessions after that, with everyone.....

I love what I'm doing. I really do. I'd rather be up every night till insane hours (which I am memang doing anyway) doing my sewing than, say, studying organic Chemistry (no barbs meant here, heh) or whatever else.

Except maybe law la hor? :P

That was just the beginning la. I still have two crazy garments to complete by the end of the semester, which, by the way, is a mere 5 weeks away. Oi pattern pun belum habis la sure die! :(

Nah, don't worry. This semester wouldn't be like last semester. Really. I promise.

Eh busy d. Hi meimei. I need to run...off...now...

I promise pictures of the fashion show on my Multiply really soon! :D

2005-10-12T23:39:00.000+08:00

The cheongsam fashion show went well! Not spectacular, but not bad for first-timers okay? :) I promise photos real soon.

Arystle looked great. But then she's a natural model. She models for Faces mag, by the way. Will be buying her a gift as a sign of appreciation. She was so super-cooperative! And models like these are hard to come by. Wonderful girl.

Genevieve from YOF just called me. She wanted me to teach her piano because her piano teacher's on maternity leave for three months. I laughed and told her that she wouldn't want me to do so because I'm not good at taugeh-note playing. Ask anyone. I'm a borderline ABRSM student! Just pass pass nia. What I can do for worship songs, it's really by the grace of God.

If she were like Grade 3 probably can la. But Grade 6 wor! Mana boleh! Haha my theory summore halfway grade 6 only. Figured bass and I are sworn enemies for life.....

So I recommended Carolyn Lee a.k.a Lyn Lee. She's a certified piano teacher ler. If I were to continue my piano and (finally) finish my grade 8 I'd ask her. But neither do I have the time nor the instrument necessary. That Yamaha keyboard I have? What a joke. No piano touch one.

But I'm digressing. My original point was supposed to be how happy I am that Genevieve actually called me. And after we were through with the piano thing we started talking bout other things like school and stuff. I really love these girls from YOF. She's 14, by the way. Therefore talking to her is practically like talking to my sis (Hi meimei! Haha...) who's 13. Besides, it wasn't that long ago that I was in school. :P

It's so fulfilling to serve in YOF, really. I really want to see these 11-14 year olds get their lives right before they head into the big bad world of college and high(er) school. I do want to disciple them, I mean, I'm just helping out in YOF at the moment. PC asked me if I were ready to disciple them but I said I didn't think so because I'm still trying to coordinate my college girls etc, so I didn't think I'd be able to do it properly. Maybe when I learn to manage my time more effectively. Then I'd definitely take up the challenge.

Whah but really ah, I am really not in a condition to lead so many people at the moment. I have 5 girls in total to care for, 3 under me, and the other 2 under one of my girls, so I still have lots to learn. And lots of pruning to go through. We'll see after that.

You see, like we learnt in discipleship yday with Ally, pruning happens so that the branches that are bearing fruit already would bear more and better fruit! Don't you want to bear better fruit? I sure want to! That's why I allow God to prune away my old self, habits etc. It's hard, but I recognise that the end results are more than worth it. How do I know it? I look around at my leaders who have undergone pruning and see the fruit they are bearing now, and I really want to be like them! :D

Anyway, 1Day 1God is this Saturday! I am so looking forward to spending 12 whole hours of soaking in God's presence. 1pm to 1am, how cool can it get, I ask you? :) I can see a turning point up right ahead for us fron LUCT.....

Hard work, right up ahead. It's only about 5 weeks to the end of the semester and my pattern also belum habis. I shouldn't even be here in Max's place, really, but...I needed to check my mail. Really. Elaine would understand, haha.

Speaking of which, adults can be so, so weird. Please God, don't let me be like these certain individuals in the future! It's so ungodly...

Anyway. Loads of work. Gonna sew and watch I not Stupid with Max and the rest. He wants to watch it, though I think he has...before. Therefore. I. Shall. Take. My. Leave. Now.

Look out for the photos! :)

2005-10-07T12:33:00.000+08:00

Random thought: Isn't it funny how another girl whom you perceive could be having an unspoken rivalry with you can bring out the total cattiness in yourself which is usually quite well controlled?

*Clears throat*

Hello everyone. Before I begin anything, I will make it clear here that I will not be blogging anything about things which are in the past. And that is because I personally believe that we should let bygones be bygones. However, I will also admit that everyone has their own personal journey to walk, so it really depends on yourself la hor?

Anyway. I am really quite the exhausted here because for the past few nights I've been doing my part-time job. The ~~job~~ volunteer work has been ending at an average of 4am every day since Tuesday, with it ending yesterday at a whopping 5.30am. Grrrr.

Really, why am I so nice? Ahahaha.....

So. What has been going on, you ask? (That is, if you're even interested la hor? :P)

It's been quite busy, with me doing the finishings for my cheongsam show. So I really thank God that He's graced me to get through this week. Due to some very nice rescheduling, I'm off Chinese service duty for the next two weeks! So happy! Heh... because that means that next Sunday, I will have one of my rare chances to sleep in! Do you have any idea how long it's been since I last had a sleep in? Ages, i tell you. I'm on the schedule for Chinese once every two weeks, plus those weeks in which I'm not on, I will also have YOF (Youth on Fire). So never have chance to sleep in la! Saturdays the same. Quite sad la, because I've not have enough time to catch up with my beloved sleep.

Eh, but don't get me wrong okay. I love, love, love serving in the Chinese zone. They've really opened my eyes to a lot of things, and the songs are very nice lei, albeit very 'chinesy', if you get what I mean.

And those extremely adorably lovable 11-14yr olds I work with in YOF? I heart them. They're so cute. :D

Anyway, Deborah and I are swapping instruments again this Saturday! Hooray! More synth time for me! Hehe.. I was on the piano for a whole month in September. That rocked, but it was harder to really worship lor, cos you know la, the piano's playing amost 24/7. But synth lei...that's a different story. Sometimes play, sometimes don't play. So fun. Can worship as well... and make amazing, amazing sounds come out from the beautiful Karma.

Btw Lyne, watch the Look To You VCD carefully right... then you'd notice that the Asian keyboardist for United is playing a Karma on top! Teehee.

Went down to KL yesterday. We had a store visit to the newly-revamped Starhill Gallery and oh my goodness, is that place beautiful or what! I took loads of pictures, including exclusive, only-for-me pictures of the DKNY store (I got permission from the store manager! Otherwise jangan harap they let you take piccie!)It's gorgeous. Stepping into Starhill is really like stepping into another world. This has increased my level of respect for Francis Yeoh and YTL Corp by a good few notches.

Bought 2 pairs of shoes. One pair of red heels for Arystle to wear during the show, and one pair of denim heels for myself. I got a free watch in the process because I spent above RM100. Now dear sister, before you go running to Mummy and Daddy about that, allow me to mention that it was completely necessary for me to buy the shoes. :P

Vincci rocks. May I also mention the fact that since my shoes fetish (courtesy of my mum!) started last July I've since acquired..uhms..6 pairs of heels? Yeah. I think so. So it brings my total shoe count (including cross-trainers and such la hor) to a grand total of 11, I think. Not that much yet, but I strongly suspect that over the years, in the whole grand scheme of things you'd see me collecting shoes like I used to collect, uh, stamps.

I should take a picture of all my shoes! :D

Righty. I need to continue my drafting. I just realised that I only have about 6 weeks left before the semester ends. And that's a scary thought.

Oh by the way, nothing much to write also, though many personal things have been happening. It's way too personal, so they all went into my beautiful physical diary. I've been writing a LOT in it! :D

Now don't you wish you could get your hands on it? Eheks.... :P

2005-10-03T12:57:00.000+08:00

And the story continues....

Carol looked wearily at Febricol, The Detective of Lost Noses. "It's okay, Febricol. You've tried your best, really. I'm glad you've found Nose, but I also understand that it'll probably take him some time to decide to return to me."

Febricol looked distraught, "I tried convincing him to come back, I really did," he said. "But he just wouldn't listen!,"

"It's alright, Febricol. You've done your part, and I thank you so much. You can leave now... there are plenty of other Lost Noses to track down outside there. I trust that my Nose would decide to return onhis own accord," replied Carol.

So Febricol took his leave. As he walked away, Nose, who was hiding nearby was in shock. What? Carol didn't want to force him to return? Something pricked at his conscience but he brushed it away. He would not return to Carol, no!

As Carol stood in the worship sanctuary of ECF, listening to PC exhorting the people to commit all to God, her heart ached. It ached because there was such a turmoil of feelings all mixed up inside of her. She felt so upset because all sorts of emotions which were so darned wrong were disturbing her. As a result, she couldn't concentrate properly in anything that she was doing. Carol pleaded with God to please take those emotions away, but Heaven's ears seemed to be shut on her.

Even after music practice, the heaviness in her heart didn't leave. It had come to such a point whereby she felt as though a 3-ton weight had been dropped onto it. She sat on the sofa in the church office and buried her head in her knees. She had to get right with God, especially since she was supposed to disciple in an hour's time.

As Carol prayed hard and wept, Nose watched her from a distance. This time, he really felt rotten to the core. Carol was having such a hard time enough as it was, and here he was, being a stubborn, prideful Nose who refused to return to her. It wasn't as if Carol was such a bad master. She was a lovely one! It was at that moment that Nose decided to return to Carol.

When Carol finally lifted up her tear-stained face as she prepared to go home, she noticed that Nose seemed to have returned. "Thanks, Nose, for coming back when I need you so much," she whispered hoarsely. (You know la, how people's voice sound like post-crying)

Carol then proceeded to go home, have a packet of Indomee and share about Lordship. What an apt topic, she realised, especially after the week which had required her to submit and crucify herself to the Lordship of Christ so much!

2005-09-29T12:08:00.000+08:00

One day, Nose decided that he hated Carol, so he went off on a long run.

Marathon, to be exact.

He started running on Tuesday night. Oh, how he ran that night. He ran tirelessly, effortlessly. All that was on his mind was to get away from that horrible human host body that he used to inhabitat. "Just run, Nose," he told himself. The faster and further you run, the harder it would be for them to catch up on you.

Meanwhile, back at the host body, Carol was missing Nose very badly. She simply did not understand how Nose could have just packed up and run away he did. Didn't he understand how much she needed him? Without Nose, half of Carol couldn't function! She couldn't breathe properly, smell properly, balance properly. Her lungs felt all weird, and she was so exhausted through the sheer effort it took for her to inhale a lungful of life-giving oxygen.

Carol knew how she could get Nose back to her side, however, it was such a drastic measure she didn't want to have to resort to it! No, she wanted Nose to realise how much he needed her as well and come back to her voluntarily. Surely he would realise, she thought to herself as she wearily laid down her miserable half-functioning body onto the bed.

*****

The next day came, and still no sign of Nose. Carol's body was starting to feel worse. Her head spun constantly, and breathing was excruciating. She lost all her appetite and felt so weary all the time. Standing in the classroom trying to do her work, all she could think of was how much she missed Nose and needed him. Exhausted, she gave up on doing her work and decided to go home. Extreme measures needed to be taken, she realised now.

Upon reaching home, Carol called upon the help of Febricol. Febricol was a private detective who was very famous for being able to bring back Lost Noses back to their owners. However, there had been a period where his credibility had been questioned, so he was suspended for awhile. But now, Febricol was back, better than ever!

"Don't worry about your Nose, Carol," Febricol said. "I have vast experience in this kind of work. However, I'm going to need your cooperation. Tracking down Noses is not easy, and requires a lot of energy from both you and me. So you need to have enough rest,"

"Rest?" asked Carol.

"Precisely. To be able to track down Nose, you will need to sleep," answered Febricol.

Being asked to sleep? Why, sleep was Carol's greatest friend after..well..after many other things. So after Febricol set out on his hunt for Nose, Carol gladly laid down on the couch in her living room and proceeded to visit Snoozeland.

*****

Upon waking up, Carol felt decidedly better. Since Host Bodies and Noses have a close connection, she could feel that Nose was nearby. However, he was as resistant as ever, and refused to return to where he belonged. But on the other hand, Nose was beginning to realise that life without Carol wasn't as fun as it was with her. After all, when he was with her, things were so exciting! They'd gone on various trips to places and shared different experiences. He remembered the time when they first inhaled Smoke and shuddered. What a horrible experience that had been, inhaling Second-Hand Smoke! That was definitely one of Nose's main enemies.

Nose wanted to return to Carol, but Pride stood in his way.

*****

Carol was agitated. Febricol had just given her the news that he had managed to track down Nose, but that Nose was being very stubborn indeed. "But don't worry, Carol, in due time, Nose will return," he said.

After talking to Febricol that night, Carol finally went to sleep. Though the next morning arrived, and there was still no sign of Nose, she felt strangely at peace. Somehow or other, she knew that Nose would return soon.....

To be continued.....

2005-09-26T13:07:00.000+08:00

I am very sad, because I've been ~~arguing~~ having disagreements with you.

Worse of all, I don't even understand why those arguments started in the first place. Such trivial matters, really. Couldn't you have brought it up in a nicer manner, instead of a way that caused both of us to be upset?

We're friends, you know that. And we're close. Why have we allowed this to come between us, and this treasured relationship? Is it even worth it?

I hate it when I argue with you. In fact, I hate it when I argue with anyone! It makes me feel so sad and so burdened in my heart. I keep on wondering why we had that silly disagreement and why things have become so weird between the two of us.

Maybe I should keep my distance from you. Distance is always good when things like this happen. For me, at least, because it allows me to gather my thoughts and process things through.

Maybe we've been seeing a bit too much of each other. There is that distinct possiblity, isn't there? So maybe if I keep my distance from you for a while, things will become the way they were once upon a time.

That uncomplicated time when it was all joy and laughter, teasings and fun.

Unlike this extremely mind-boggling time, where I just keep on wondering what on earth went wrong.

You apologised yesterday, and I accepted it, but I was and still am sad.

You say you've been stressed out by things you need to do, and I completely understand that. So was I, a few weeks ago, and I totally allowed misery to overwhelm me and transform into a monster.

I don't want that to happen to you, you know that.

Running away from a problem is never a good solution. But does staying away from a person count?

There are only so many people in this world I can connect so well with. And out of those few people, only you are around. The rest are so far away, and I miss them so much.

They are such dear friends of mine, and I count you as one of them, simply because it's been so long since I met someone whom I could relate to as well as I relate to you.

I need time to think things through. I don't want to have this issue on my mind all the time. So how? What's the solution?

I don't want to see our beautiful friendship go down the drain. So I'd do anything in my power to save it.

But you see, if I'm the only one who wants to save it, there's no point in even trying to, is there?

Think about it.

2005-09-22T17:01:00.000+08:00

Aiyah. I am very the kanchiong and mad at myself.

I just potentially blew 20% of my semester marks for Textile Studies because I forgot about a Very Important Assignment that is due tomorrow. Oh crap, no, no!

How? Die la like this. Tonight have to draw like mad already. Dumb, dumb, Sukisu project. Doesn't it sound like Sukukia to you? Heh.

How does one forget about an assignment anyway? A stupid assignment that's worth 20% some more! I'd rather paint batik!

.....

I'd just mention that I had 3 slices of pizza yesterday. The new honey-roasted 3-cheese lava is nice. Very nice. The usual pan crust is as delicious. And stuffed crust...of course sedap la, you think what?

All courtesy of Roy The Hamster! :)

Been a bit, off today. Thinking too much, me thinks. Remember, Carol, don't let your mind be the devil's playground!

But let's just say that I am extremely confused at the moment okay? Idiotic morons are hacking my brain now.

Why are you doing this to me?! I think I've just fallen into the very trap I promised myself I'd never fall into! Gah.

Idiot, idiot, idiot.

2005-09-22T15:48:00.000+08:00

Welcome to Malaysia, people.

I read this article the other day in the Star about how we Malaysians have a 'Mega Sale Mentality'. Want people to apply for a new MyKad? Don't threaten them with fines; offer them a free MyVi instead! You know, that kind of thing.

So, yesterday, while going to IOI to celebrate Roy's bday at Pizza Hut, this is what we witnessed the moment we stepped inside:

Wah! So many people! The usually empty office-linking foyer was chockful of people.

At first, we were like 'Wahliueh. What on earth is happening?'

Then it hit me: Oh yeah! The 50% off traffic fines ends the day after tomorrow!

Welcome to Malaysia, everyone.

We arrived at IOI around 7.15pm. The queue was horribly long, with the people snaking from the police booth to the stores nearby, eventually ending at a nearby empty shop. Goodness. There were at least what, 500 people there, just waiting to hand over their traffic fines?

When we left at 9.30pm, there were still at least 200 hundred people there. WAH!

We walked past them, kinda sniggering. I think they were shooting daggers at us. If looks could kill, I'd have died multiple times over yesterday.

Haha...what la... you had an entire month to pay, but in true Malaysian fashion, you wait till the day before the sale period ends to pay together, with the rest of Malaysia.

Haha! I feel so mean.

Because Blogger sucks when it comes to the uploading of pictures, you shall have to come to my Multiply to look at it. Go la! :P You'd enjoy yourself...I promise. Teehee.

Oh oh and I'll be uploading the other piccies soon! After I hand in my assign la, that is. :P

2005-09-22T01:10:00.000+08:00

I got this off minishorts who got it off tomorrow.sg and I found it really good.

So, let's take a walk down memory lane, okay?

I am the girl who finally came into the world after at least three miscarriages.

I am the baby who fell down when she was a few months old from her rocker, causing her parents to panic.

I am the little girl who woke up to the announcement of the birth of her little sister.

I am the girl who played Power Rangers with her best friend when she was seven.

I am the girl who quarrelled with that wonderful best friend over trivial matters, and left the best friend who never cried, in tears.

I am the girl who was fiercely sensitive.

I am the girl who had a crush on you for seven years.

I am the girl who picked up the flute against everyone's skepticism and objections, and came out victorious.

I am the girl who got together with one of her not-so-good-friend's crush and caused extra months of angst and estrangement.

I am the girl who later became that girl's good (dare I say, best?) friend.

I am the girl who ran off to cry when she felt so excluded from the people in band.

I am the girl who was heartbroken when you were mean to me, though I tried so hard to be nice to you.

I am the girl who felt so distraught because you guys didn't think I was deserving of the position I got in Form4.

I am the girl who always fell asleep in Geography class, only to be poked awake by her friends.

I am the girl who slept 4/8 periods in school and became known as 'Sleeping Queen'.

I am the girl who chose to be lazy and only study 1 1/2 months prior to SPM, but still scored 7As that she did not deserve.

I am the girl who wonders what she would have gotten had she studied harder.

I am the girl who went up to the pulpit right after worship one day, unannounced, to exhort and in a sense, critique the church.

I am the girl who had her hair dyed by her friends on her 16th birthday. Prefects dyed her hair, witnessed by the Head Prefect.

I am the girl who came to KL, not knowing what the future held for her.

I am the girl, who then started having a crush on you halfway through last year.

I am the girl who still likes you.

I am also the girl who is very attracted to someone else while still liking you very, very much.

I am the girl who has changed a lot since coming out to the big city.

I am the girl who has learnt to submit to leadership, and the Lordship of Christ.

I am the young girl who looks forward to being a woman after God's own heart.

I am the girl who dreams of the day she gets married, and the kids after.

I am the girl who still dreams of getting her legal degree.

I am the girl who still searches the sky for shooting stars.

I am the girl who wants to lie down beneath the sky and just gaze at the stars.

I am the girl who has only learnt to love God more and trust that God has her best intentions in mind.

I am that girl, that's just me. Let me be who I am, let God shape me. The Potter is not done with me yet.