Friday, November 18, 2005

It could well happen anytime, any moment now.

My dad called me up when it was almost noon. My grandma was in a worse way, he said. Deterioration. Huh, 'What does she mean,' you ask? Well, before this, she was in a critical but stable condition [Once again, whatever that means.], so I asked the doctor more. He said that she was 'stable' meaning that she wasn't deteriorating, but neitherwas her condition improving. Just there, you know?

But now. The word is deterioration. Grandma's on a ventilator, remember? The vent is pumping in 50% pure oxygen into her lungs, of which she's supposed to get 90% and above, the more the better. The machine beeps if it goes below 86%. When I was home, she was registering 90% and above quite consistently, except for a few worrying moments when it was in the 80s. My dad tells me she's consistently in the 80s now. Her heart rate shouldn't be more than 110, really, but dad says it's 120+ consiatently. All bad signs.

Dad also said that grandma was sleeping most of the time... unconscious.She was awake quite some when I was home! :(

So Dad called me and asked me to speak to grandma over the phone, just to let her hear me. So I talked to her with my limited command of Hakka, and then switched to Mandarin. I didn't know what to say, so I just asked her to stay strong, give praise to God and remember that He is always, always with her. Then my cousin who's in Kulai (I think) spoke to her through my uncle's phone.

If it does happen, I'm going to be flying home again lor. And if it happens before my Monday assessment, too bad lor. Bring back fabric and dump in tailor's shop, regardless of the price. No choice! I don't want also, but I do need to be prepared for that eventual possibility, right?

Going to college later to print out my computer work and also to buy infraboards so I can mount my computer work.

Finally moved out everything yesterday, so my new house is quite a mess at the moment. After I finished moving everything with the help of Chiam, Faith and BeeSean, it was like, 1am plus plus. Then I did my drafting work with a little help from Chiam... she left at 4+am. I continued my work till 7.30 when my eyes were dying and slept till 10am....

Sigh. I'm worried...... again.

Oh according to Lizzie, certain influential people in my life [read: leader] read this blog. Eh? WOI! SCARED OKAY! INTIMIDATING OKAY!

Not to say anything la, but.. it feels like... I dunno, feel vulnerable, I guess. Because this blog has my honest thoughts mah. Of course I got a more private one lar but that's my Diary, so fat chance of you getting your hands on it, people. Heh.

Erms, if *you* are one of them, hor, uh, well, I pretend I don't know you pretend you don't know also can? Unless it's really important? Okaylah, most of the time I don't mind it when people approach me about this... but... still SCARY LA, understand? :/

K, gotta run. Wonder where I'll be the next time I update. Thank God I have an open return ticket to Kuching.


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