Thursday, October 27, 2005

My paternal grandmother is sick. She's in the ICU of Normah. So don't be surprised if you see me really soon. (Yes, you too, Feli. Your earphones might be coming back under sad circumstances.)

I feel that over the past week, since I found out that she was ill, God has been preparing me for what could be the inevitable. The word I shared during Corporate Intercession from Psalm 23, the answer I never gave Ginny about what if a person dies though you've been praying for them....

But that doesn't make me any less scared. Not when I've been scared of death since I was a little girl.

It's better now. Because I've grown and matured, and I'm secure in the knowledge that death isn't the end of it all. If anything were to happen, I know that my grandma would be in heaven, free from all that wracking pain from arthritis and penumonia. That would be the best. Deep down inside, I'll rather have that happen than having her here, but in pain and suffering.

But my selfish human self doesn't want to let go. I've only - in a sense - reconciled with her and that side of the family around 5 years. Not enough time. The human in me doesn't want to accept the fact that in the end, death comes to us all whether we like it or not. It will happen.

I'm leaving my weekend open, and not making any firm commitments. I'm ready to fly back to Kuching at a moment's notice, regardless of cost.

Ally told me to know that God's in control and to focus on Him. I am. But I'm still scared. But thank God for her. That's what disciplers are for.

I'm steeling myself, bracing for that phone call which might come, summoning me home. I don't know how I'll take it then. I don't know what I'll be like on the plane. If it does happen, I don't know how I'd react.

But what I do know is this: Through all this, God will be my Rock, my Fortress, my Deliverer. My Shelter, strong tower, my ever present help in times of need. He will be with me...through it all.


At 1:01 PM, Blogger Jaysmeen said...

Hehe I don't know who will be going from our group here..don't think anyone else will be la..ya I'll be one of the ushers ha..dun worry I'll save the BEST seat for you (in ur dreams la :P)Ya I heard from Galvin that it was kinda messy last yr..die I really wish that I'm not one of the ushers..blek..
I'll see about Saturday night k? I'll have to arrange my time coz I'll have other appointments as well and my parents wanna go shopping=P but yea will try my best
U take care k..

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