Friday, October 28, 2005

Nothing major has happened yet. And I'm thankful. We're still waiting to see if the new medication is having any effect on my grandma. Hopefully, all will be well.

"But in anything and everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of Christ, which transcends all known understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in the knowledge of Christ Jesus" - Philippians 4:6,7 (NIV)

Okay I don't know if I got the entire verse right. This is one of the verses I memorised from One2One, from the Prayer chapter. :P

Anyway. A little story below. I can't bring myself to put 'I' into the sentences, so I'll do this from a third person point of view, okay?

Carol sat in the multipurpose hall of ECF, feeling strangely detached from the things going on around her. It was Thursday, which was also 1am academy day. Though she smiled at everyone, cracked jokes and funny comments, she was also strangely quiet. She was very preoccupied with her thoughts, especially concerning her ailing grandmother.

Her phone beeped, signalling the arrival of a text message from her father. She grabbed her phone off the music stand and quickly scanned the message. 'Grandma sleeping most of the time. Occasionally opens eyes for a short time. Could hear and nod head.'

She set the phone down on the music stand as emotions came crashing down on her. Regret mixed with sadness. All her worry for her grandma, coupled with all that had been happening throughout the week and the coldness of certain people raged a storm in her heart. She stared blankly at the hall, her mind a million miles away as piano class continued around her.

Her phone beeped again. She unlocked the keypad and pressed 'Read'. As she read, her already overwhelming emotions threatened to overflow. It was the person who had caused her hurt over the past few weeks. (S)he had been extremely cold and unwelcome. Little efforts on her part to make things right had been useless. Now she read h(er/is) message, which was quite apologetic in tone. The person said that (s)he was sorry that (s)he had been so cold, there'd been lots of work, it wasn't that (s)he was unwilling etc.

Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. She took her phone and walked out of the hall as she searched for somewhere quiet where she could still herself and her emotions. The fellowship area? Nah, too many people. The library? Meeting. Finally, she walked into the office. Thankfully, it was quiet. No one except for a lone YA planning some games for the church camp was there.

Carol took a seat on the chair in front of the volunteer PC and proceeded to stare at her phone. She took several deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself down. Just as she thought it was working, her phone rang. It was her mother.

'Hi mummy,' she said.
'Hello girl. Where are you?' her mum replied.

Carol replied that she was in church having music practice and proceeded to ask her mum about her grandma's condition.

'Not too good,' her mum replied frankly. 'She's having difficulty breathing, and is on full oxygen intake right now. We don't know how effective the new medicine is yet. We need to wait a couple more days before the doctors can tell,'
'Okay..... what else?' asked Carol.
'Well, the doctor had a meeting with us yesterday. He told us very frankly about your grandma's condition and asked us for permission to put her on a ventilator if necessary, that is, if she has anymore trouble breathing. It costs RM3000 a day, you know,'
'Three thousand a day?!' Carol blurted out, a little too loudly. That was an insane amount!

She continued talking to her mum for a little longer. After a little bit more of updates and typical motherly advice, she hung up the phone as her emotions raged even more strongly within.

She wished she could be there at home in Kuching. How she could help if she were back, she had no idea, but hey, at least she was home right? At least she could be there right? Carol closed her eyes in a final effort to control herself.

But it was futile. The tears finally spilled out from under her closed eyelids. Silent sobs that racked her body. Tears that seemed neverending. She sobbed silently for what seemed like forever as the YA respectfully and tactfully didn't ask her anything.

Finally, she managed to still herself. She walked over to PC's desk and pulled a couple pieces of tissue from the tissue box and wiped her tears away. Time to get back to class, she decided.

Even as she walked back into the hall and faced the questioning eyes of all those who had noticed her sudden and lengthy departure, her emotions overwhelmed her once again and the tears spilled out. She scurried to a chair in a lonely corner as Kel asked her if she could still play. She shook her head and mouthed 'later'.

After a few rounds, there was no more escaping. She stilled herself (for good, this time), walked over to the piano and played under the watchful eyes of Kel.

Somehow, miraculously, the rest of the night went okay though she was still extraordinarily silent. She completed the class and went for Chinese service music practice. At last, she headed home, both physically and emotionally exhausted.

The message from the person still sat in her phone. However, this time, unlike the other times, she didn't feel compelled to reply with a forgiving message. Not yet. She wasn't ready yet. But she would, the next day, perhaps. After all, Carol was not the kind to hold on to grudges for so long. It wasn't worth it. Besides, Carol knew that she had to learn to love sacrifically, after all.

3 Comments:

At 3:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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:-) have a nice day.

 
At 8:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

*Big huggies with lotsa love*

 
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