Saturday, December 31, 2005

On a slightly more melancholic note.... (lack for a better adjective, honestly)

I got those little feelings from my past today... little feelings of - how shall we put this - rejection? Exclusion? I don't know how to describe it, but well, I just felt that way la. I know they didn't mean to make me feel this way... so I'm really working on not being bugged by it.

What do I mean by that?

Let's just say tomorrow is New Year's Eve and I have no idea whatsoever where I'll be where 2006 bids us hello. Nor do I know whom I'll be with. I don't know whether I'll be going anywhere on New Year's Day itself (though others are) and frankly speaking, it sucks big time.

Didn't really think it would be this way, but I suppose I'm just really not so there yet.

I'm sorry, but I don't like the feeling of being a second thought.

Like those times you guys went for movies without me. Oh, I know there were very valid reasons for those times, you know, lack of car space etc but one does wonder, if you really wanted me to go, somehow, someway, there'd be a car space for me, right?

I sound so mean. I'm sorry. :(

All those events! Things! Places!

The fact that the end of the year is tomorrow is really causing me to think a lot. I dunno la, but I suppose wounds from secondary school have not really gone away.....

Lyne, I think you'd know what I'm talking about - to some extent, that is.

Don't get me wrong - I am exceedingly happy here. I do feel loved here, I feel so free! But things are different, I suppose, because after all, I haven't been here for that long. So probably I'm still not in yet, whatever that means.

Never was in during sec school... all those times when I was groupless during projects and had to hunt around for a group which will please take me in otherwise I'd have no marks!

I regret slacking in F4, really. If I hadn't I wouldn't have been streamed down into Sc2! (Cried for weeks, by the way) Oh I enjoyed my year there all right - not as stressed as how it would have been in the top class, got to meet fab people like Sam, but well, you know, in a new class, everyone's all grouped up already. Fine, cliqued up, happy?

And the fact that the girl from a Chinese pri school who was among the last to enter the class in Form 1 never really had her own group didn't help. You see, she was always floating from group to group. They loved her, both groups did, but there wasn't really any space for her.

At least that's how she perceives it.

I understand it's been a pretty solemn entry, and I apologise. I'm seldom this way. But the thoughts are floating around and they wouldn't be going away anytime soon so bear with it for a while k? Thanks.....


At 11:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work » »


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